Correspondence
by RedGrayBall
Summary: A thoughtless remark from Beckett makes Castle give up on them ever becoming more than partners, and he leaves. Without being able to talk to him, Beckett must convince him that he's wrong about her feelings.
1. Chapter 1

It had been a tough case, but the murderer had finally been caught.

Ryan and Esposito insisted on the ritual of clearing the board before leaving the precinct, and no-one argued. There was something very satisfying about packing all the photos back into the case file, and wiping the timeline clean.

It was almost 6PM, and Lanie had arrived from the morgue ten minutes ago to meet Esposito. There had been some talk of going out for a few drinks to celebrate, and everyone was standing around just waiting for Beckett to submit her final report to the captain, then they could go.

She was in Gates's office right now, and the conversation looked like it was coming to a close. A minute later, Beckett crossed the bullpen to join Ryan, Esposito, Lanie and Castle in front of her own desk.

"Done," she said with triumphant grin, "and we've got the whole weekend _and_ Monday off – murder permitting."

Ryan and Esposito exchanged a high five, causing Lanie to roll her eyes, and Castle just smirked as he leaned against the edge of Beckett's desk.

"We should put out a city-wide memo," Castle said, "No killing for the next 48 hours. A moratorium on murder, if you will. A holiday from homicide. A vacation–"

"We get it, Castle," Beckett interrupted, with a grin curling one corner of her mouth, and he just shrugged.

"So," Lanie said to no-one in particular, "got any big plans for the time off?"

"Jenny and I are going to a craft fair tomorrow," Ryan said, smiling enthusiastically, and Esposito wrinkled his nose.

"Like little paper dolls and stuff like that?" Esposito asked, shaking his head. "You're voluntarily going to get dragged around a hundred different colours of thread, and… whatever else they have at a craft fair? That sounds like a nightmare, bro. It's chick stuff."

Ryan threw an exasperated glance in the other man's direction. "It won't be that bad," he said. "She likes it. So I'm going to like it too. Or pretend to."

Esposito shook his head again, folding his arms in judgement, and Lanie poked him in the ribs.

"I think that sounds really nice," she said, and Ryan nodded in gratitude.

"What about you guys?" Ryan asked, seeing Esposito immediately grin widely at Lanie.

"I've got a dinner date with a hot _chica_ tomorrow night, then we're going to a salsa class," he said proudly.

Ryan blinked, and Castle raised his eyebrows.

"So dance classes are OK, but craft fairs are for 'chicks'?" Ryan asked, and Esposito's brow furrowed in an exaggerated look of confusion.

"Salsa is the dance of passion, my friend," he replied. "It's in my blood."

Lanie and Beckett both snorted with laughter, and this time it was Ryan who shook his head.

"Yeah, there's _something_ in your blood, alright," Ryan replied, drawing another grin from Esposito.

"What about you, girl?" Lanie asked, looking expectantly at Beckett, and the other woman gave a small shake of head.

"No plans," Beckett replied. "I'll probably do laundry, go for a run. Grocery shopping. Maybe visit my dad. That kind of thing."

"The party never stops for Detective Kate Beckett," Esposito teased, and she pretended to glare at him.

"See, that's the real crime," Castle said, and all eyes turned to him. "Kate Beckett with nothing to do on the weekend. It's just wrong."

Ryan was nodding earnestly, but Beckett's attention was focused entirely on Castle. Her arms were folded, and her expression was the familiar long-suffering look she often gave her partner.

"I'll be sure to let you know if I get a better offer than my laundry basket," she said dryly, and Castle's eyes sparkled as he pushed himself off the desk and stood at his full height.

"What you need is a weekend of pure hedonism," he said, "perhaps with a handsome, charming, talented man who's been described – regularly – as one of New York's most eligible bachelors."

He wiggled his eyebrows and pretended to straighten his non-existent necktie, and Beckett felt her face flush. He was standing very close to her, and she was extremely aware of the colour of his eyes, and the two open buttons of his shirt.

She also felt the amused attention of the others on her, and suddenly she needed to take back control of the situation. The words were out of her mouth before she knew she was going to speak.

"Looking forward to meeting him, Castle. That'll give me a break from _you_ for a couple of days."

It had sounded funnier in her head, but she was too flustered to really register the moment of silence.

Lanie's eyes widened imperceptibly, and for once she was glad of Esposito's tactless brashness when the man hooted a laugh and pointed at Castle.

"_Burned_, bro," he said. "That was third degree."

Castle gave what he hoped was an easy smile, but he was sure it didn't reach his eyes. His jaw clenched, and it was all he could not to recoil as if he'd been slapped.

_Ouch_, he thought, glancing down at his own feet and keeping the smile fixed in place.

It was always like this, he thought. He would often try to get closer to her, to pay her compliments, and to make her laugh. The innuendo was mostly for that purpose, but a part of it was to try to make her see that he could be something more than just a partner, or a sidekick, or the precinct's jester.

He thought he'd been making progress, but whenever he pushed a little too far, she'd withdraw into herself and shut him down. It was so hard to read her.

Sometimes he saw signs of a thaw – he was sure of it. He'd bring her coffee in the morning and she'd suddenly give him an unguarded smile that stopped him in his tracks, or she'd lay a hand on his forearm to emphasise a point while they were building theory. Sometimes he'd even catch her looking at him, and she'd quickly glance away.

_But it never goes anywhere_, he thought. _Sooner or later it's back to being Writer Boy, every time_.

She was never cruel, though. Not until now, anyway. He allowed a frown to crease his brow for just a moment before he carefully made his expression neutral again.

He glanced up again, and she met his eyes at the same moment. She wore a small, wry grin – just the kind of grin you'd expect after making a quip.

_She doesn't really see me at all_, he thought, and he felt a ball of ice drop into his stomach. It was so clear to him now. _I'm chasing something that isn't there_.

He was in love with her, no question about it. He couldn't clearly remember _not_ being in love with her. But that was as far as it was ever going to go. It was incredible that he hadn't seen it earlier.

_I didn't let myself see it_, he thought.

He had to get out of there.

Only a few seconds had passed since Esposito's comment, and the two other men's eyes still crinkled with good-natured laughter.

Castle nodded along with the joke, feeling a hollowness spreading inside him. The scene had taken on an edge of unreality.

_Damn it, girl_, Lanie thought, glaring at the back of Beckett's head. She was almost furious at her friend, and took a deep breath to bring herself back under control.

"And what about you, Castle?" Lanie asked sweetly, trying to throw the man a lifeline. "Are you spending the weekend with Alexis?"

Castle looked over at her, and blinked as he tried to focus his mind back on the conversation.

"Ah, no," he said. "She's going away with some friends later tonight, for a couple of nights. Back sometime on Sunday."

He paused, then realised that he hadn't really answered the question. "I have some writing to do," he continued. "I'm a little behind on the next couple of chapters."

Lanie nodded. "It's tough at the top," she said. "Or so I've heard."

Esposito tightened his arm around her shoulders, and Castle gave her a genuine smile.

"Actually, I should just get right into it," Castle continued. "The book won't write itself."

"You're not coming out for a drink?" Ryan asked, sounding disappointed, and Castle smiled apologetically.

The remains of Beckett's grin disappeared, and a fine crease appeared across her forehead.

"I've been stalling long enough," he said, and Ryan nodded reluctantly.

_Years too long_, Castle thought, and in that moment he made a decision.

"Hey, we can still go to the Haunt though, right?" Esposito asked, and again Lanie jabbed him in the ribs.

"Totally," Castle said. "I already called ahead. You've got the usual table, and a tab."

"My man," Esposito replied.

"Well," Castle said, clasping his hands together, "I'm going to head out. Have a good one."

He paused for a moment, his eyes flicking first to the murder board, then to the name-plate on Beckett's desk, and finally to Beckett herself. There was a question in her eyes, and he quickly looked away again.

"G'night, Castle," Ryan said, and Esposito echoed the sentiment. Lanie smiled at him and nodded, and he noticed that her expression was unusually earnest. There was something in her eyes too, almost a request, but he pushed his curiosity aside.

"See you on… Tuesday," Beckett said. Her voice was tight, and Lanie glanced over at her. Neither Ryan or Esposito seemed to have noticed.

_Oh now you wake up_, Lanie thought, curling her toes in frustration.

Castle looked at Beckett for a moment longer than usual, and gave her a ghost of a smile.

"Bye," he said, then turned and walked to the elevator.


	2. Chapter 2

Lanie had been biting her tongue the whole way to the Old Haunt, and the moment they got to their usual reserved table, she turned to Esposito.

"Javi, why don't you and Ryan get us some drinks," she said, with the sweetest smile she could manage under the circumstances. "Kate and I are going to freshen up."

"Sure thing, baby," Esposito replied, immediately starting off towards the bar. He knew their usual order well, and Ryan followed quickly behind.

Beckett turned to her with one raised eyebrow, but Lanie just jerked her thumb in the direction of the ladies room, with a warning in her eyes.

Thirty seconds later they were standing in front of the wide mirrors above the sinks in the women's restroom, and Beckett folded her arms. "So what's up, Lanie?" she asked.

She wasn't prepared for the anger that suddenly bloomed across her friend's face, and she took an involuntary half-step backwards.

"Why do you _do_ that to him?" Lanie asked in a raised voice, her cheeks flushing. Beckett felt her heart-rate quicken.

_Did I say something to Esposito?_ she wondered, but she couldn't think of any way that she could have offended either Esposito or Lanie.

"What do you mean?" she asked, genuinely confused, and Lanie sighed in frustration.

"Girl, I'ma _smack_ you!" she said, pointing at Beckett, who raised her hands in an appeasing gesture.

"Lanie, I have no idea what you're talking about. What did I do?"

"I'm talking about _Castle_, dummy," Lanie said. "You went too damn far this time, Kate."

Beckett felt her stomach twist. She had been wondering why Castle left so abruptly. She was disappointed, to be honest. She wanted to spend a little more time with him before the weekend started, and having a few drinks together was always an opportunity to loosen up a little.

When he'd had a few drinks he tended to get brave, and the last time they'd been at the Haunt he'd cheekily draped his arm across the back of her chair. She'd pretended not to notice, even though all of her attention was focused on the heat radiating across her upper back. By the end of the evening she was leaning back against his arm, and wishing he'd just put it around her shoulders.

_But he's too much of a gentleman_, she thought, feeling a pang of annoyance at him not being here.

"What do you mean?" she asked, in a small voice. Lanie shook her head, and Beckett was alarmed to see sadness on her friend's face.

"Damn it, Kate, open your eyes," she said. "He practically asked you out on the town this weekend. _You_ said you were looking forward to not seeing him for a few days. He was crushed!"

Beckett paled, feeling her insides twist into knots. _Oh no_, she thought.

Lanie stepped forward, and all the remaining anger vanished from her face. Beckett found the compassion in her friend's eyes even more frightening. Lanie reached out a hand and put it on Beckett's shoulder.

"That man has been in love with you for years," she said. "_Years_. And you're a damned liar if you say you don't feel the same way about him."

Tears stung Beckett's eyes, and she blinked rapidly.

_Oh honey_, Lanie thought. _Smartest woman I know, and you're dumb about a thing like this_.

"I- I don't know why I do it," Beckett said, her voice wavering. She clenched her fists, furious with herself and heartsick at what was now so obvious. "I get scared. I can see it, how he feels about me. It's so _intense_, Lanie."

Lanie's voice was tender now. "I know, honey. I know. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. He _loves_ you. It's supposed to be intense."

Beckett's eyes widened, and she felt gooseflesh break out all over her body.

_It's supposed to be intense_, she thought. _It's supposed to be_.

And then the pieces fell into place. She had been scared off by Castle's feelings because she felt the same way, and that was _new_. It hadn't been that way with Sorenson, or Demming, or with Josh. It had been fun, and nice, and safe – but she'd never had that feeling that the Earth was tilting on its axis. The way she felt when Castle's fingers brushed hers as he handed her a cup of coffee in the morning, or when his eyes flicked from her eyes to her lips.

_That's what I've been missing_, she thought, and then she burst into tears.

"Oh honey," Lanie said, wrapping her arms around her friend. "Hush now. It's going to be OK."

"God I'm so _bad_ at this!" Beckett said, her voice catching. "I hurt him just for a stupid joke, to keep him at arm's length. And now I'm not even going to see him until Tuesday!"

Lanie drew away from her slightly, rubbing Beckett's back with the palm of her hand. Her face was stricken. "Girl, I hate to tell you this, but I think it went a bit further than that."

Beckett looked quickly up at her, her red-lined eyes frightened now. Lanie gave her a sad smile.

"He was lookin around like… like somebody does when they're leaving. You said see you on Tuesday, and he said–"

"Bye," Beckett whispered, her eyes widening. She felt sick to her stomach, and panic bubbled up around her throat.

"Honey, I'm so sorry," Lanie said, taking both of her friend's hands in her own. "I'm not sure he's coming back."


	3. Chapter 3

Castle closed the door behind him and then leaned against it, his eyes roaming over the living room area of the loft.

Martha was in the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of red wine, and he could hear Alexis bumping around upstairs, no doubt finalising her packing for the trip.

"You're home early," Martha said, and he shrugged.

"We got the guy," he said, then wandered over to stand at the counter opposite his mother.

"And you're not going out to celebrate?" she asked. "You usually do that. What's Detective Beckett up to this evening?"

His face darkened for a moment, and Martha noticed it.

"They're at the Old Haunt. I'm a little behind on my actual work," Castle said, nodding towards his office. "I thought I'd get right into it."

"How diligent of you," Martha replied, raising one immaculately-sculpted eyebrow.

_When will the two of you end this ridiculous charade?_ she wondered. It was painful to watch her only son torture himself on a daily basis, pining after this woman that he was clearly in love with.

Martha had seen him before, during and after every one of the major relationships in his life, and his feelings for Beckett were something different. Deep down, she was fairly sure that the Detective was the only woman that he had _ever_ truly loved.

Martha liked Kate Beckett very much, but she knew that her son's endurance was wearing thin. _It's not healthy to love someone from afar for too long_, she thought. _Something has to give_.

Beckett seemed to both encourage his advances but also reject them, and Martha knew it was pushing Castle to breaking point. Yes, Beckett had many issues to deal with, but the least she could do was acknowledge what was right in front of her – even if she was only going to let him down gently.

Castle's eyes were fixed on the countertop, not really seeing it. Both their trains of thought were interrupted by the sound of Alexis coming down the stairs, dragging a suitcase.

"Dad!" she said, propping the case against the wall at the foot of the stairs and hurrying over to hug him. "I'm glad you got back before I left. Amy is picking me up any minute now."

"Have a great time, pumpkin," he said, a little absentmindedly. "And be safe."

She smiled at her father, then noticed the look on her grandmother's face, and she frowned.

"Is everything OK?" Alexis asked, and Martha nodded.

"Your father is about to barricade himself in his office for the evening," she said, taking a sip of wine.

Castle cleared his throat. "Actually, I'm not," he said. "Gates gave everybody a three-day weekend, so I'm going to go the Hamptons. So I can really focus."

Alexis exchanged another look with Martha, and the older woman put her glass down.

"Richard," she began, but Castle smiled and cut her off.

"I really do need to get these chapters finished," he said. "At the beach house I can relax and work without any distractions. I'm going to pack a bag and head out straight away."

"Dad, what's happened with you and Detective Beckett?" Alexis asked, putting her hands on her hips. Her voice was so like Martha's that Castle felt a shiver chase up his spine, hearing just a hint of the woman she would become.

"Nothing, sweetie," he said, his smile slipping a little. "Nothing at all."

_Well this has been coming for a while_, Martha thought, feeling a pang of sadness. She wanted to talk to him about it, but she knew it would be futile. He would do what he was going to do, and advice be damned. He had always been the same. Happy to listen, but then he'd make his own decision regardless.

Alexis looked unsure, but the doorbell rang and Castle's shoulders relaxed. _Thank you, Amy_, he thought.

"That's her!" Alexis said excitedly, immediately forgetting what they'd been talking about. She hugged her father again, and Castle kissed the top of her head, then she dashed off in a blur of red hair with a quick wave to Martha.

"Enjoy yourself, dear," Martha called after her. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do. If there's such a thing."

The door slammed a few seconds later, and there was a moment of silence before Martha took a deep breath.

"Don't," Castle said, and she closed her mouth again.

"I'll see you in a few days," he said, before walking through the doorway to his office and towards his bedroom.

_Oh Richard_, Martha thought, tracing her finger around the top of her wineglass. _When is this all going to end?_


	4. Chapter 4

"What do I do?" Beckett asked, glancing over towards the shadowy corner where the Ryan and Esposito were playing pool.

Lanie sighed in exasperation. They had been at the Old Haunt for almost an hour now, and the boys had only just left their table to have a friendly competition. Neither of the men had noticed anything out of the ordinary when the two women had arrived back from the restrooms, and they had all been talking mostly about the case since then.

Beckett took out her phone and glanced at the screen, but there were no missed calls or texts.

"You know what he's like, Kate," Lanie said reasonably. "He's not gonna call you tonight."

"Maybe I should call him," Beckett said, and Lanie raised an eyebrow.

"And say what?" she replied, rolling her eyes when Beckett immediately froze.

"See, that's your problem right there," Lanie continued. "You need to figure out what to say to him. You need to figure out what you _want_ to say to him. And it's better be damned good, because he's been waiting a long time to hear it, and I think he's just about decided it's not coming."

Beckett felt her stomach twist again. _I've made a total mess of things_, she thought.

"I always do this," she said, mostly to herself.

Lanie glanced up from her drink. "Do what?" she asked.

Beckett shrugged in frustration. "I don't know. I just… stall. I put it off. I make guys wait."

"Oh that's not it at all, girl," Lanie said, laying her palm flat on the table. "You make _him_ wait – just Castle. All the other guys are temporary stand-ins, even if they don't know it at first. The only guy you've kept waiting in the last four years is your writer."

Beckett felt her heart skip at Lanie's description of Castle as _hers_, then she groaned.

"But what do I tell him, Lanie? How can I _fix_ this?" She looked all around the bar, as if the answer was written on a chalkboard, or painted on the wall.

Lanie put her hand over Beckett's, and looked her in the eye. "Listen," she said. "Rick Castle is sitting somewhere right now, thinking that the woman he is _in love with_ – that's you – doesn't feel the same way, and is _never_ going to feel the same way."

Beckett's heart clenched, and she felt tears prick the corners of her eyes.

"Now I can see you're not happy about that," Lanie continued. "But what else are you feeling?"

Beckett took a couple of deep breaths, and tried to think about the question.

"I feel… guilty," she said, her voice slightly watery. "I feel like an idiot. And I'm scared." She swallowed.

"And why are you scared, honey?" Lanie asked, her voice gentle and filled with sympathy.

"Because he's maybe given up on me this time," Beckett replied, in a small voice. A tear tracked down her cheek, and she quickly swiped it away.

Lanie squeezed her hand. "And that's bad because…?"

Beckett looked into her friend's eyes, then down at the table for a long moment, then back up at Lanie again.

"Because… I'm in love with him," she said.

Lanie reached over and pulled her into a brief hug. "That's what you _tell_ him, dumb-ass," she said tenderly.

Beckett nodded, willing her heart rate to slow. _It's true_, she thought. _It's been true for… I can't remember when it _wasn't _true. Rick, just give me a chance to tell you._

"I should go and talk to him," she said. It was a statement, but her eyes made it into a question.

"Yes you should," Lanie replied, then furrowed her brow. "Just so we're clear, you don't just march in and spill it, just like that. You're got some repair work to do."

Beckett finally gave a small smile, her mouth twisting as if to say _No kidding_.

"OK, OK," Lanie said, holding her hands up. "As long as we're on the same page. Now go, girl. You've wasted enough time."

Beckett smiled and nodded. She was incredibly nervous, but she felt slightly better. "Love you, Lanes," she said, and Lanie smiled.

"Love you too," Lanie replied. "Go get that man. He's probably sitting at his desk right now, staring at his phone just like you."

Beckett nodded once more, then gathered her things and stood up. She squeezed Lanie's shoulder, gave a vague wave to Ryan and Esposito who looked confused but nodded and waved, and then she headed for the door.

* * *

Castle shifted slightly in his seat, easing the tension from his back.

The growl of the Ferrari's engine filled the cabin, and he pressed the accelerator slightly harder, feeling the supercar respond immediately.

His head felt clearer since leaving the city an hour ago, but his mood was still bleak. "_Give me a break from you_," he muttered to himself, his hands squeezing the soft Italian leather that wrapped the wheel.

He was heading for an empty house, with just a small bag of essentials and his laptop. He had plenty of spare clothes and supplies waiting for him, but no-one to share the place with. A this time of year, it would be a ghost town, with long, dark evenings and only the sound of crashing waves for company.

_Sounds about right_, he thought blackly, urging the car along even faster.

He shot past the familiar mile markers with barely a glance. He would be at the beach house within twenty minutes.


	5. Chapter 5

Martha glanced up from her book, wondering if she was imagining things.

She could swear there had been a knock on the door, but she wasn't sure, given that she had the musical _Oklahoma!_ playing at substantial volume. She reached for the hifi remote and pause playback, waiting a few moments in the sudden disconcerting silence.

She was just about to press the Play button when she heard it again, more clearly this time – someone was definitely at the front door.

_And so the dance continues_, she thought, not looking forward to the impending conversation.

"Katherine, what a pleasant surprise," Martha said graciously as she opened the door. "Do come in, dear."

Beckett smiled timidly, and stepped into the apartment. Martha thought that the younger woman's eyes were a little red around the edges, but she pretended not to notice. She watched as Beckett glanced immediately towards the door leading to Castle's office, which was closed.

"How are you?" Martha asked graciously. "Can I get you something?"

"No, thank you," Beckett said, "Oh, and I'm… OK." She glanced again towards Castle's office door. "I was hoping to talk to him."

Martha sighed deeply, then reached out to gently grasp Beckett's upper arm. "Come and sit down," she said, leading her towards the large couch.

A look of unease passed across Beckett's face, but she allowed Castle's mother to lead her across the room, then she sat down. Martha sat on the same section of the couch, just a foot or so away, and turned towards her.

"He's not here," she said gently.

The colour drained from the younger woman's face, and Martha again reached out to her, this time patting her knee sympathetically.

"He's… gone out?" Beckett asked, in a small voice, and Martha tilted her head to one side.

"By now, in that ridiculous car, he'll be at the beach house," Martha said, and she was shocked when Beckett was suddenly wracked with a huge sob.

"_No!"_ Beckett said, clenching her hands into fists on top of her thighs, two bright tears already tracing down her cheeks. _I'm doing a lot of crying tonight_, she thought, and the voice in her mind was shrill and panicky.

The evening had turned into a nightmare. She had watched him abandon her and go to the Hamptons once before, and it had been months until she saw him again. A part of her had been dreading this very thing, not even allowing herself to think about it. And yet here she was, left behind again – and it was just as much her fault now as it was before.

"Oh god," she said, her hands shaking.

Martha rubbed a hand across Beckett's upper back, still too lost for words to speak.

Suddenly, Beckett's head snapped up and she looked straight at the other woman. "Did he… I mean, is he there with…?"

_Oh good lord, you poor dear,_ Martha thought, shaking her head. "He's there alone, Katherine," she said. "He was very clear on that."

She paused for a long moment, watching the usually fearless and strong detective sitting on the couch looking utterly lost, with tear-tracks glistening on her cheeks.

"There hasn't been anyone else for him in quite some time," Martha said, and Beckett looked quickly up at her again, her large liquid eyes searching for all the different meanings in the words.

Martha watched the colour rise in the younger woman's cheeks, and saw a blur of expressions pass over her face.

"Why don't I make some tea, and you can tell me what happened?" she said kindly, and Beckett nodded gratefully after a moment. Martha squeezed her shoulder, and then quickly crossed to the kitchen.

Five minutes later they both held steaming mugs of chamomile tea, the vaguely floral fragrance filling the expansive living room area.

Beckett took a large sip, and relished the heat of the liquid. She shivered.

Martha watched her carefully, giving her as much time as she needed. After a minute or so, Beckett took a deep breath.

"I've made such a mess of things, Martha," she said. "I haven't been fair."

"I doubt you were the only one, dear," Martha said, thinking _And at least you can admit it_.

Beckett quickly explained the events of the day, and Martha nodded sadly, recognising her son's reaction all too readily.

"…and now he's given up on me," Beckett finished, with tears threatening to fall yet again.

Martha smiled, then put her cup down and reached to take Beckett's from her. She set the second cup beside the first, and then took both of Beckett's hands in hers.

"I know my son, Katherine," she said. "He keeps his feelings to himself on many things, but a mother knows."

Beckett nodded uncertainly.

"Richard is in love with you," Martha said. "Head over heels, the likes of which I've never seen. He has been for years."

Beckett's heart stuttered, and she felt warmth zig-zag through her. She knew it was true, and Lanie had told her the same thing, but it was completely different to hear it from his own mother.

_Please, Rick_, she thought. _Just come back._

"Unrequited love is a terrible burden," Martha said, not unkindly, but her gaze was penetrating. Beckett felt a flush of shame rise up in her cheeks, and she pulled her hands away.

"It's not," she said, her voice barely audible.

Martha sighed. "It most certainly is," she said, a note of judgement colouring her words, "and I've been astonished how long he's allowed himself to keep going like this."

Beckett's mouth fell open, and she raised her hands instinctively. "That's not what I mean!" she said, seeing Martha's puzzled expression.

Beckett took a deep breath, and looked the other woman in the eye, willing her to understand.

"I mean it's not _unrequited_," she said.

Martha's eyes widened slightly, and Beckett nodded.

"I'm in love with him," she said, then buried her face in her hands.

* * *

Martha had rubbed Beckett's back for several minutes while she got the tears all out of her system, and then handed her the still-warm cup of tea.

"A man doesn't fall out of love in a day," she said. "Least of all Richard. He loves with his entire being. Surely you've seen it."

A beautiful smile broke across Beckett's face, her eyes sparkling as she stared down at the mirror of the tea's surface. She nodded, her expression far-away as she thought of all the little ways that Castle showed her how he felt about her even without saying the words.

Martha felt a tug in her own chest as she saw how the younger woman was transformed by thoughts of her son. _Richard, everything you desire is finally waiting for you_, she thought. _If only she can get through to you._

Beckett was lost in thought for a few more moments, then she sighed and looked up again. "I tried calling him on the way here," she said, her cheeks colouring once again. "He didn't pick up."

"I can't say I'm surprised," Martha said, rolling her eyes in maternal irritation. "He has a stubborn streak a mile wide, and I've never known anyone to _wallow_ in despair so. It's all terribly dramatic."

Beckett had to fight to suppress an unexpected snort of laughter at the idea of Martha Rodgers disdaining someone else's histrionics. She just nodded instead.

"So what can I do?" she asked. "Should I go up there?"

Martha frowned. "You've seen him when he's brooding, I'm sure," she replied. "You'd be better off talking to the wall. He won't even let you have a conversation. I don't think a fight is what you need right now, dear."

Beckett nodded, then looked at Martha helplessly. The older woman again reached across and patted her hand.

"I don't know what to advise, but I do know that he loves you," she said gently. "Richard is _also_ one of the most forgiving people I have ever known. He sees the good in people first, and he tries to _find_ the good no matter what happens. Sometimes, it gets him hurt."

Beckett swallowed, feeling the lump in her throat. Her cheeks burned, and she knew that she deserved to feel this way.

"He won't stay angry for long," Martha continued, "but that man can hold a raincloud over his head for months. I've seen it myself, in that very house not so long ago. He has an almost endless capacity for moodiness. I doubt that's news to you either."

Beckett smiled, but her attention was now only half on what Martha was saying. Her heart had gone out to Castle, sitting in a big, empty house, miles and miles away from anyone he knew. Loving, but believing himself to be unloved in return. It was awful.

Her focus was suddenly drawn back when Martha took her hand again.

"I wouldn't go out there," Martha said. "Not now. And rushing into a grand declaration isn't going to change how he's feeling right now. But if you leave him to stew, I think you may lose him."

The older woman sat up straighter, looking at Beckett with her piercing eyes, taking the measure of her. At last, she spoke.

"Fight for him, Katherine," she said. "Fight for him as he's fought for you."


	6. Chapter 6

Castle sat in the darkness of the lounge, looking out through the floor-to-ceiling glass towards the beach. A couple of lamps lit small pockets of the room, but most of the space was in shadow.

The broad coffee table in front of him still held takeout containers from the meal he'd picked up on his way to the house. Beside them, his iPhone sat face-down. He'd seen the missed call from Beckett after he pulled into the driveway, but hadn't called her back.

He got up and walked over to the windows, then stood and looked out to sea. The light was gone now, with the sun just a faint glow above the horizon. There were no boats in sight, and when he'd driven down the access road earlier, it had been deserted. Thousands of stars twinkled coldly above.

_Just me_, he thought. _Better get used to it_.

* * *

Beckett pulled her robe around her and wandered through to the kitchen. She had been home for more than an hour, and she spent most of that time soaking in the bath.

She had gone straight to her apartment after thanking Martha and saying goodnight, and she had two missed texts from Lanie by the time she arrived home.

_But none from you_, she thought, picking up her phone from the kitchen counter where it was charging. She pressed a button to wake the device, and the screen just showed the time and her usual lock screen wallpaper. There were no new notifications.

She unlocked the phone and tapped the Photos app, scrolling through the images. There were many of Castle there, mostly candid shots at odd moments in the precinct, or the Old Haunt, or any of a hundred places around the city. In almost all of them, he was smirking about something. She felt her stomach twist again, tracing the line of his face in the current photo.

"Repair work," she said to herself.

She knew it wasn't going to be easy to draw him out, but she felt a strange sort of calmness about it. He had fought for her for _years_, and now it was her turn. She wasn't going to give up, no matter what. It would take as long it took.

_You're worth it_, she thought. _Just please don't be with another woman out there_.

Her stomach twisted again, and she tapped the Phone app, then his name.

* * *

Castle was startled by the sound of his phone, and he froze for a moment before turning and striding over to the coffee table to pick it up.

The screen was filled with Beckett's face, cropped from a photo he'd taken at a book signing for _Heat Rises_. She was smiling beautifully, her soft curls framing her face. It was his favourite photo by far.

"Go away, Kate," he muttered, pressing a button to mute the ringer. The screen went dark immediately, and he felt another stab of loss.

He reasoned with himself that there was no point in answering her calls – he was here for a while, and right now he just needed space. He had no idea whether he was even going back to the precinct, but he knew himself well enough to realise that wasn't a decision for right now. It was better to remain silent, until he worked out what his next step was.

"Could have been great together," he said, then he felt like an enormous weight was pressing down on his shoulders. He needed a drink.

He had only taken three steps towards the liquor cabinet when his phone chirped, indicating a text message.

He retrieved the phone, but just held it in his hand for a full minute, debating whether to look.

_Could be Alexis_, he thought, and sighed. _Or mother_.

"Fine, damn it," he said, unlocking the device and tapping the Messages icon. It had a red badge at the top-right, containing the number 1.

Of _course_ it was from Beckett. There was never any real doubt about that. He read the message twice.

**_Martha said you went to the Hamptons for the weekend. I hope you get some writing done. We missed you at the Haunt tonight._**

He shut off the screen and tossed the slim device onto the couch, then poured himself a drink. After a moment's thought, he opened one of the sliding patio doors, and stepped out into the cool evening air with his glass still in his hand.

It was more than 45 minutes before he came back inside, shivering in the cold, his glass long since empty. He poured a second measure of Scotch before glancing over towards the phone.

_Bad idea_, he thought. He had come here to escape from her, and to stop thinking about her. He'd stood outside in just his shirt with the sleeves rolled up, as the wind became increasingly bitter, hoping that his discomfort would chase her face from his mind. It hadn't worked. He could think of nothing else.

"You're pathetic," he said, and he was talking about himself. He suddenly felt acutely ashamed at how he'd chased her for _years_, hoping that she'd be able to see what she meant to him. Hoping that she'd feel the same way. He had run around after her like a lovesick puppy, and he'd been making a complete fool of himself the whole time.

He briefly considering hurling the crystal whisky glass against the nearest wall, but he took a deep breath and let the impulse pass. The anger slowly drained from him, leaving only a sense of loneliness. The house seemed even larger than usual, and he felt abandoned.

Castle picked up the phone and checked his messages. He had another one from Beckett that had arrived only a minute or so after the first, when he'd just gone out to the back deck.

**_I'm sorry._**

"That makes two of us," he said to the darkened room, then placed the phone on the coffee table, swallowed the contents of his glass, and went upstairs.

* * *

Beckett put the book down on her nightstand and rubbed her eyes, stifling a yawn.

She stretched, then reached out to pick up her phone. It hadn't made any sounds while she was reading, but she checked anyway. There were no new messages, and no missed calls.

She refused to let herself feel worried.

"I'm gonna show you what you mean to me, Rick," she said quietly. "Like it or not."

She picked up the phone and typed out a quick message, then sent it before she could decide not to. She felt nervous about it, but at least he wasn't likely to reply tonight anyway.

Satisfied, she switched off the bedside lamp, lay down, and closed her eyes. It was a while before she fell asleep.

* * *

Castle shuffled down the dark stairs clad only in a t-shirt and boxer shorts. He had woken in the night feeling thirsty, and there were no glasses in either of the upstairs bathrooms.

As he returned towards the staircase with a tall glass of cold water, he gaze passed over the phone on the coffee table, and he sighed.

After a moment's thought, he adjusted his heading, picked the phone up, and took it with him.

He sat down on the edge of his king-size bed and drank half of the water in a single draught, then sighed. He dropped the phone into the dock on his nightstand, and the screen lit up briefly as it chimed to indicate it was now charging. He saw the message notification icon, and groaned, but reached out to grab the device again anyway.

He blinked to adjust his vision as he called up the new text.

**_Hope your evening was OK. I'll text you in the morning. Sleep well. Kate x_**

Castle's eyebrows shot up.

"That's a first," he muttered. Beckett never, _ever _signed off in her texts. She also never referred to herself as Kate when she was talking to him – she only ever answered her phone as _Beckett_.

And she sure as hell had never included an "x" before.

He felt unanchored for a moment, and his mind started to explore the old familiar paths, weaving possibilities and scenarios. He cut those thoughts off abruptly.

_If you'd done that twenty-four hours ago, it would have made my day_, he thought. As it was, she probably just knew she'd offended him with her quip at the precinct. And she'd been out having a drink with the guys earlier – that was probably all it was. A bit of harmless flirting that didn't mean anything.

He felt the cold settle into him again, and dropped the phone back into its dock.

"Too little, too late," he said, and switched out the light.


	7. Chapter 7

Beckett woke up a few minutes before 7AM as usual, even though her alarm wasn't set for this morning. She stretched luxuriously, a small smile on her face, as her brain awakened.

The events of the previous evening popped back into her memory, and her smile abruptly faded.

"Damn," she said, screwing her eyes shut for a moment before reaching for her phone.

_No messages, no calls,_ she thought with a sigh, seeing the lack of any notifications. _But I'm only getting started._

She sat up in bed, wondering if he was awake yet. "Well you can have something to wake up to," she said aloud, and started typing.

* * *

Castle was suddenly pulled from a remarkably sound sleep by the combined chirp and vibration of his phone. His eyes blinked open, and for five seconds or so he was completely disoriented, his heart beating rapidly.

Then he recognised the ceiling of his master bedroom at the beach house, and everything fell into place.

"Ugh," he groaned, rolling onto his side to squint at the blue digits on the bedside alarm dock containing his phone. It was 07:06 AM, and dawn was already peeking through the edges of the curtains. He reached out and snagged the phone from its slot, but it took him three attempts to unlock it.

_**Sleep well? Ryan FINALLY beat Esposito at pool last night. Wish you were there to see it. It's weird knowing you're not in the city. Kate x**_

He frowned in confusion. This was absolutely not like her.

"What are you doing?" he wondered aloud, absent-mindedly scratching the stubble on his jawline.

It was strange, but he felt a little better just hearing from her. His finger hovered over the reply button, then he tossed the device onto the bed covers.

_Nope_, he thought, and decided to go for a shower.

Forty minutes later he was in the expansive kitchen-dining room, making an omelette after taking a quick trip to a local grocery store in the Ferrari. The car didn't even draw a glance in this neighbourhood.

He had just carefully slid the omelette onto a plate when his phone chirped again in his pocket, so he fished it out and sat it on the eight-person dining table while he got a glass of orange juice and some cutlery.

Once he sat down, he opened the new message.

_**Wild guess: omelette?**_

He smiled, despite himself, and continued reading.

_**I'm sorry about yesterday. You're not talking to me but I'm going to keep talking anyway. I'm not giving up. Kate x**_

Castle felt a complex set of emotions surge through him. He was spitefully glad that she knew he wasn't speaking to her. He also knew that he wanted to forgive her – desperately and instinctively. He also recognised that this was an entirely new side of Kate Beckett. She was opening up to him and communicating, more than she usually did face-to-face.

_But it doesn't change anything_, his mind whispered. _You still want something you can't have_.

"Maybe," he said, shaking off the last cobwebs of sleep. "Probably."

He sighed deeply, then put the phone down and continued eating his breakfast.

* * *

Beckett folded her arms and looked around her apartment with satisfaction.

She had spent the last several hours cleaning and tidying with a vengeance. Her laundry was done, the trash had been taken out, and even the kitchen cupboards were in a better state than they'd been in months. The bathroom was sparkling, and she'd even made a shopping list for later.

"Not bad," she said, glancing at the clock. It was almost 11AM, and the sun was high in the sky over the city. She had already arranged to meet Lanie for lunch, and she just had time for a quick shower first.

She crossed to the kitchen area and picked up her phone, leaning against the edge of the countertop as she tapped out a message.

She glanced over to the hardback book sitting on her dining table. It was _Heat Rises_, and she'd read the dedication again this morning, before laying it on the table face-down, revealing the back cover. There was a black and white photo of Castle taking up two-thirds of the panel, and she smiled as she saw it.

"Not giving up, Rick," she said, and sent the message.

* * *

Castle looked up from his laptop immediately when his phone chirped, and he struggled to feel angry with himself at his eagerness to read the message. He'd had a brief chat with Martha about an hour ago, and she'd mentioned that Kate had stopped by, without going into detail about their conversation.

His tone had made it very clear that he didn't want to discuss it further, and she'd grudgingly backed down. When they'd been about to finish the call, though, Martha said something that was still echoing through his mind.

"_If you think she doesn't care deeply about you, Richard, you're wrong. So very wrong. You can have everything you want if you'll just give her a chance._"

He had grunted something noncommittal at that and ended the call, but a part of his mind had been spinning possible interpretations of his mother's words ever since.

He reached for his phone and called up the latest message.

_**Meeting Lanie for lunch soon. How's the writing going? I missed your coffee this morning. And you. Kate x**_

Castle's mouth fell open. He read the message another two times to make sure he wasn't seeing things.

"What the _hell_?" he said to the empty dining room that he often used as an office when he was at the beach house.

A part of his mind was screaming at him to reply immediately, and to tell her that he missed her too – and it would absolutely be the truth.

But another part of him was still encased in ice, certain that the last several years of his life had been spent pursuing a woman who had no room in her heart for him as anything other than a colleague and friend, and who had told him on countless occasions that he was annoying, a sidekick, a distraction, a burden, and of course just _Writer Boy_.

His heart sank again.

_Do you just want forgiveness, Kate?_ he wondered. _Is that what this is about?_

"I've never known you to be cruel," he said to the phone, but he couldn't quite find it in himself to believe she'd tell him what he wanted to hear just to patch up some hurt feelings. It was so damned unusual.

Again his finger was hovering over the reply button without him even being consciously aware of it, and when he noticed, he dropped the device as if it had stung him.

* * *

_**Author's note: I always thought that Castle was too unfazed by Beckett's constant defensive rejections, and too endlessly optimistic about her feelings for him, particularly given that he's a very emotional and intelligent person. I think he would definitely have had these sorts of dark nights of the soul, filled with doubt, where he would withdraw to protect himself.**_

_**I also think that Beckett would have been living in fear of him giving up hope, once she figured out (at least deep down) how she felt about him. If he did pull away from her, I think she'd fight tirelessly for him, and she'd do it in a smart way by realising she needed to invite him into her life and coax him back to her.**_


	8. Chapter 8

"No reply yet, huh," Lanie said, watching as Beckett took her phone out of her pocket and glanced at the screen.

"Wasn't expecting one," Beckett replied, unlocking the device and again tapping the Messages app. "Yet, anyway."

Lanie shook her head. "You two drive me nuts," she muttered. Beckett only smiled at her, already typing out a message.

"So what exactly is the plan here?" Lanie asked, taking a sip of coffee. They were sitting in a small cafe a few blocks from Beckett's building, and they had finished lunch about twenty minutes ago.

Beckett was silent for a few seconds as she finished her message and sent it, then she sighed.

"I'm the one who's been putting the brakes on, Lanie," she said. "I'm going to show him I do want us to have… something more."

"You could've just told him that," Lanie said, watching Beckett carefully. The other woman shifted in her seat, and a look of anxiety passed over her face.

"I want to, but you don't know him like I do," she said, wrapping both hands around her coffee cup. "I can't just make some big statement; I need to show him that we _can_ be more but still be us. I need to get him back first. I talked to Martha about it last night."

Lanie raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"He's given up hope," Beckett continued. "He doesn't think I want us to be any more than partners. I'm going to show him he's wrong."

"And make him miss you a heck of a lot too," Lanie said perceptively, noting the flush that immediately appeared on her friend's cheeks.

"Can't hurt," Beckett replied, and Lanie grinned.

* * *

Castle was walking along the beach when he felt the buzz of his phone in the pocket of his jeans. He had a thick jacket on, because the sky was cloudy and the breeze from the sea had turned cold. The solitude in the house had started to feel oppressive, so he thought that getting some fresh air would be a wise move. He had been walking for almost ninety minutes.

A few gulls called as they swooped over the waves, but he hadn't seen another soul except an older gentleman with a border collie. They had exchanged nods, but that had been more than half an hour ago. He had seen nobody else since.

He was on his way back towards the house now because his stomach was rumbling, but he wasn't particularly looking forward to being surrounded by silence and emptiness again. Still, he had TV, music and the internet, and he could call his mother and text Alexis. He could even go for a drive, or dine out somewhere tonight. _It's enough_, he thought.

Even so, he reached immediately for his phone when he felt the vibration, stopping in the middle of the beach a few hundred yards away from the house. He bumped up the brightness of the screen to more easily read the message.

_**Probably going to go for a run later. Dad is working this weekend. Hope you're making progress. Don't forget to eat! You do that when you're writing a lot. Kate x**_

Castle's thumbs danced rapidly over the keys, tapping out _**Just about to**_, then he caught himself and quickly deleted the words.

"Damn it," he muttered to himself. He never had Beckett pegged as the over-sharing type, and it was so unusual that she was giving him this insight into her everyday life. He felt almost like he was reading her diary, except the entries were addressed to him. It was mundane stuff, but somehow also very intimate: a hint of the woman that he wanted to know.

_Dangerous territory_, he thought. _Don't let yourself fall back in. Remember why you're here._

"I wish _she_ was here," he said aloud, and he was startled to hear the words. He glanced quickly around, but there was only miles of deserted coastline, choppy waves, and a darkening sky out to sea. The occasional large house further back up the beach was unlit, its windows reflecting only grey skies.

He didn't think he'd ever felt quite so alone. Pulling his jacket tighter around him, he pocketed the phone and started walking.

* * *

The screen of Beckett's phone began to dim automatically, indicating that it would automatically lock itself and switch the screen off in a few seconds. The change caught her eye and she glanced down, seeing the Messages app still open with her sent message shown in a colourful speech-bubble.

A grey shape popped up with an ellipsis inside, and she felt her heart quicken. She quickly reached out and tapped the screen, returning it to normal brightness and preventing the device from locking itself.

Lanie frowned. "What's up?" she asked, and Beckett pointed towards the phone.

"He's typing," she said, her hand hovering above the device, not daring to touch it.

"Mm-hmm," Lanie said, rolling her eyes and reaching again for her coffee cup.

Beckett watched the animated indicator for a few excruciatingly long seconds, and then it abruptly vanished. She felt her heart sink into her stomach, and she sighed.

"Damn," she said.

"What did he say?" Lanie asked, genuinely curious, but Beckett shook her head and gestured towards the phone.

"The thing just went away," she said. "He deleted whatever he wrote without sending it."

"Sorry, honey," Lanie said kindly, putting her cup down again. "But you knew this would take some work. At least he _thought_ about answering you – that's progress. You can't give up."

Beckett picked up the phone again. "Not a chance," she said, with determination in her voice. "I'm going to get him back no matter what it takes."

"That's my girl," Lanie replied, nodding in approval as Beckett started typing.

* * *

Castle had just stepped inside the house when his phone buzzed again, and he frowned.

_Got to be somebody else this time_, he thought, fishing the device out of his pocket and glancing at the screen. He blinked at the notification: _Kate Beckett_.

He sighed, pocketing the phone again for now, and shrugged off his jacket.

Ten minutes later he was standing in front of the stove, watching pasta boil in a large brass pot. The timer still had more than five minutes to go, and he was shifting his weight restlessly from foot to foot.

"The hell with it," he said, taking the phone out and swiping at its screen.

_**Did you get lunch?**_

"As we speak," he said to the empty house, unconsciously gesturing towards the bubbling pot.

_**Maybe next weekend I could spend some time with a handsome, charming, talented man. If you'll be back by then. Kate x**_

"Woah," Castle said, staring at the phone. A moment later, he turned quickly away from the stove.

"Did you _see_ what she–?" he began, before remembering that he was the only one in the house. "Oh," he said, feeling embarrassed for a moment before realising the ludicrousness of it.

He read the message three more times, grinning more with each reading, then he put the phone down on the countertop.

"Are you trying to _wear me down_?" he asked the device suspiciously, but the phone had no reply to offer. He glared accusingly at it. "That's… not playing fair," he said, unable to fully banish the grin from his face.

_She's never been so direct before_, he thought. _Is she that worried? What does that mean?_

Again he felt an overwhelming urge to reply to her, and again he refused to allow himself to do so. He pointed at the phone warningly, his expression now solemn. "Not fair," he said again.

He was still contemplating the slender black device when the kitchen timer suddenly shattered the silence of the house with a shrill series of beeps, making him yelp and leap a clear foot in the air.


	9. Chapter 9

Beckett sat on the edge of her bed, wrapped in her robe with a towel around her head, scrolling through old messages on her phone.

After she and Lanie had left the coffee shop, they had wandered briefly around the neighbourhood, peering into store windows without really looking for anything. Lanie had to leave after half an hour to get some things done before getting ready for her date with Esposito that evening, so Beckett returned to her apartment, changed into her running gear, and headed back out.

She had gone for an hour-long run to cheer herself up, and work off her larger-than-usual lunch. By the time she got back to her apartment again she felt reinvigorated, and her mind was clear. After a shower, she had picked up her phone – no messages, no calls – and on a whim decided to look at some of Castle's old messages to her from previous months and years. Almost all of them made her smile.

_**Hey Beckett, what are you wearing? It's for the book, honest.**_

_**You ever think Ryan's eyes look weird? Like too blue? Could be an android.**_

_**I just think we could build theory better over some scotch and strip poker. We owe it to the victims' families.**_

_**Werewolves have a constitutional right to legal representation too. We can't discriminate. That's not what our forefathers fought for.**_

_**OR, the guy was taken by a chest-burster from Alien. There's gonna be an alien in that warehouse by tomorrow night. Listen when you go in!**_

That last message had an attached audio clip of Castle imitating the hiss of the creatures from the movie, and her heart ached for him.

Her eyes flicked up to the status bar at the top of the phone's screen, and she saw that it was already almost 6PM.

_I wonder what he's doing right now_, she thought. _Writing, maybe. Browsing the internet. Thinking about dinner._

A traitorous part of her mind suggested _maybe he's getting ready for a date_, and she felt her stomach twist.

"Nope," she said. "We're not thinking about that."

It had been almost twenty-hour hours since she'd last seen him, which was rare during the working week but not so unusual for a Saturday. But it had also been almost twenty-four hours since she'd heard from him at all, and that was almost unheard-of.

"It's your own fault, Kate," she said, and she sighed loudly. _Maybe I should try calling him again_, she thought, then she immediately dismissed the idea. If he wasn't replying to text messages, there was no way he'd take a call – and it would probably just make him withdraw further.

_Slow and steady wins the race_, she told herself.

Her phone suddenly chirped in her hand, startling her, and she saw a message notification slide down from the top edge of the screen. Her pulse quickened slightly until she saw the name _Lanie Parish_ beside the green icon, and she tapped the banner to view the message.

_**Sorry, I'm not him. :) Javi is on his way over. Hope your big dumb man answers you soon, or I'll go over there myself and kick his ass. Love you. Lxx**_

Beckett smiled, then tapped out a quick reply to Lanie and sent it. She rubbed the towel around her hair then threw it onto the bed, letting her damp locks fall around her shoulders. As good as she was feeling after her run, there was an unpleasant tension in her chest. Her mind was starting to weave scenarios about Castle in that big house out in the Hamptons, each more upsetting than the last.

_Is he blind drunk? Does he hate me? Is he out picking someone up?_

_Is he calling Gina?_

"No, he's not," she said to herself, but she wasn't entirely sure.

She began recalling every time he had tried to move their relationship forward, and in each case, she had been the one to shut him down, back away, or deflect the subject with a joke or innuendo. She sighed.

_Why? _she asked herself. _Why did I do that?_

Because she had other things going on? Everyone does.

Because she wanted to catch her mother's killer first? Johanna Beckett would have wanted her daughter to live her own life.

Because Castle was the wrong guy?

_Playboy, immature man-child, moody, incredibly annoying, and a damned liability in dangerous situations._

All true. But that was just the surface.

_Bestselling writer. An incredible intellect. Kind. Funny. Handsome. Sweet. Risked his life to save mine more times than I can count. Saved the city. A wonderful, caring father. A patient son. And he's always been there for me… until I pushed him away._

"He's the right guy," she whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek.

She swiped the tear away, then thought for a moment before starting to type a message.

* * *

Castle closed his laptop lid's with slightly more force than necessary, then pushed the machine away from him on the table.

"Three chapters – not bad, if I do say so myself," he said, stretching to get the kinks out of his neck, and stifling a yawn.

Writing always took him away from whatever was going on in his life, and it was a blessing to be able to not think about Beckett for a few hours. He was now also caught up with the chapters that Black Pawn was expecting, and his editor would find them in her inbox the next time she checked her email.

He padded through to the kitchen and switched on the coffee machine, humming to himself as he busily went about the familiar ritual. When the percolator bubbled to a halt a few minutes later, the silence in the house once again seemed to crowd in.

"Got to put some music on or something," he muttered, deeply inhaling the rich aroma of the coffee. He glanced at the clock mounted on the wall nearby, and saw that it was 6:21PM.

_I wonder what she's up to_, he thought.

As if on cue, he heard his phone chirp from the dining room, and he closed his eyes, reaching up to rub his temple.

"Getting weird now," he said, then carried his coffee carefully through with him to see what the message said.

_**Those last three adjectives were yours. Here are three better ones: kind, intelligent, funny. I wish you'd talk to me. Kate x**_

He sighed, running a hand absent-mindedly through his hair. _She's trying pretty hard._

He enjoyed the flattery, particularly since it was so rare coming from her, but he still felt empty. It was clear that she wanted to be forgiven, and regretted what had happened yesterday.

"I've got bigger regrets than that," he said to his phone.

His thumb hovered over the screen, but the words just wouldn't come.

He had already forgiven her for the remark itself, of course – that was just his nature. But his sense of having made a fool of himself for so long rose up again, and his expression hardened.

_It's not her fault you fell in love with her_, his mind said, and he grunted.

"Maybe not. OK, _definitely_ not. I give you that."

_It's not her fault she doesn't feel the same way, either._

"Also true," he said grudgingly.

_She's trying very hard to say sorry. Harder than she ever has, in fact_.

"Yup," he said to the empty room.

_So why not-_

"Just forgive her, and put her out of her misery? Then hope she'll leave me alone to get over her?"

_Something like that_.

"She's one of the smartest, most perceptive people I've ever known," he said, his tone becoming icy. "She knew. She's known for a long time. And she could have let me down gently. Why would she let me keep chasing her all this time?"

_That's an interesting question_.

He snorted derisively. "And that's not an answer."

He dropped the device onto the table and walked out of the room.

* * *

"Lame," Beckett said to herself, with a note of irritation in her voice. "Just lame."

She was going through the previous messages she'd sent him, and with the benefit of a dinner of lasagna and a glass and a half of white wine, the problem was immediately obvious.

_I'm still not opening up to him_, she thought, with something very like panic fluttering in her chest. _He's probably deciding to never see me again, and I'm still holding back._

"Why do I do this?!" she shouted, flinching at the sudden loud noise in her quiet apartment.

_Talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity_, she thought.

"Oh shut the front door," she said, shaking her head again as she read her most recent message to him.

She knew that time was running out. She wasn't sure _how_ she knew that, but she knew it nonetheless. Before she fully realised what she was doing, she'd tapped the Phone app and then placed a call to Castle's cellphone.

She let it ring just once before cancelling the call, then she dropped the phone onto her kitchen counter, clasped her hands together anxiously, and stared at it.

Five seconds passed.

Ten seconds.

Twenty.

A minute.

"Ugh!" she exclaimed in exasperation, then buried her face in her hands.

_Just tell him_, her mind whispered.

"Tell him _what_?" she said.

_The truth_.

"I wish I could just _see_ him," she said. "I hate that he's out there… again."

_Maybe that's a place to start_.

She looked up, fixing her eyes on the phone. Her hands were trembling slightly, but she had never been short of courage.

"OK," she said, exhaling loudly. "You deserve the truth, Rick. And I'm going to need more wine tonight."

She drained the rest of her glass, then picked up her phone.

* * *

Castle could hear the dishwasher distantly burbling away as he aimlessly flipped through TV channels. The sound was muted, and he'd stopped paying any attention to what was on the screen several minutes before, instead just enjoying the hypnotic flicker of the ever-changing screen.

It was almost 9PM, and the sky was once again dark outside. He hadn't bothered to close the blinds over the expanse of glass panels along one full wall of the living room, and he would occasionally stare out at the endless banks of brooding, iron-grey clouds. They seemed fitting tonight.

He thought he heard a sound from elsewhere in the house for a moment, but when he listened carefully he couldn't hear anything.

_Are we going to sit here and pretend you're not going to check your phone sometime in the next five minutes?_ his mind asked, and he pouted.

"I'm starting to see what Beckett means about me being annoying," he said, getting up off the couch and walking through to the dining room.

He reached for his phone, and just as his fingertips made contact with it, the screen lit up and it emitted a buzz and a loud chirp. Castle flinched, jerking his arm away.

"Jeez," he said, embarrassed at himself. "My phone is trying to give me a heart attack."

_You should tell Stephen. He can write a horror story about it._

"Didn't he do that one already?" Castle muttered, picking up his phone gingerly and heading for the living room again. His mind seemed to have no reply.

He sat back down on the couch, pressing the Home button on the front lower edge of the device to switch the screen on. The notification banner beside the green message icon said _Kate Beckett_.

"No kidding," he said. He took a deep breath, unlocked the device, and pulled up the message.

_**I remember another time I went this long without hearing from you. You were in the same place. I wished I was with you then too. Kate x**_

He froze.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Author's note: This is a lot of writing for a Sunday, and it's almost 11PM here in the UK. I'm exhausted. Please excuse any carelessness.**_

_**It's an interesting challenge trying to give text messages a sense of pace and dramatic tension, and the frequent scene-breaks need careful balancing too. This is probably one of the most technically demanding stories I've written. Incidentally, the interplay of each character with their own inner monologue is intended to subtly mirror how they finish each other's sentences in real life, when building theory on a case.**_

_**I've always loved stories with electronic communication like emails, texts or instant messages. They're the love letters of a new century.**_

* * *

Castle stared at the message, wide-eyed, his jaw hanging open.

_**I wished I was with you then too.**_

In the Hamptons. That Summer. Gina.

He felt like the floor was tilting below him, and he put his other palm flat against the couch to steady himself.

"But she was with Demming back then, and…"

_And then she wasn't_, his mind whispered.

"Ryan and Esposito gave me hell when I came back."

_And you were never entirely sure it was just their own feelings of abandonment._

"Are you saying that she-?"

_I'm not saying anything. But neither are you, just like before._

"Well… crap," he said aloud, reaching for his glass of scotch and then remembering he hadn't poured one yet. "But… no. I would've known. She would've said something."

_After you spent the Summer with your ex-wife, and never contacted her?_

He paled. Everything around him seemed a little unreal now. Was it even possible? Or was he just misunderstanding her message?

A rumble of thunder echoed from far out at sea, but he didn't even glance towards the windows.

He looked at the last part of her message yet again.

_**I wished I was with you then too.**_

His thumb hovered for several agonising moments, then slapped down onto the smooth, cold surface in a rapid-fire pattern before tapping the Send button.

* * *

Beckett put the bottle of wine back into the fridge, then picked up her glass. She was halfway to her couch when her phone chirped at her.

She paused for a moment, her pulse quickening, then she took a calming breath.

_That'll be Lanie checking up on me_, she thought, feeling simultaneously grateful and disappointed.

She walked calmly the rest of the way, sat down, put her wine glass on the coffee table and picked up the phone from the arm of the couch.

The notification banner said _Castle_.

"Oh god," she said, swiping to the passcode screen and hurriedly tapping. On her third attempt, the phone unlocked.

_**You did?**_

She blinked, feeling her pulse pounding in her ears. She slid her thumb downwards to scroll back a little in the conversation, revealing her previous message. It was clear what he was asking.

She took several deep breaths, not realising that she was biting her lower lip the whole time. Slowly, she began to type.

* * *

Castle saw the typing indicator appear, and after a brief internal debate, hurried over to the liquor cabinet and poured himself a generous scotch.

He made it back to the couch in time to see a new message slide up into the conversation view in a coloured speech-bubble.

_**Yes. I wished it was me. It's good to hear from you. I've been worried. Are you OK? Kate x**_

"You've got to be…" he tailed off, re-reading her words in shock.

_That doesn't leave much room for misunderstanding_, his mind said.

"So she-"

_She wishes you took her to this house instead of Gina._

"Her."

_Yes._

"To this house."

_Indeed._

"For the Summer."

_Now you're getting it._

"Which kind of means-"

_Kind of, yes._

He sat in stunned silence for almost a minute before opening his mouth again.

"But then why push me away all those times?"

_Seems like something you should ask her._

He nodded, then a thought occurred to him.

"Is it… possible, at all, that I've been – hypothetically – an idiot?"

… _It's within the realms of possibility._

He took a ragged breath. "You're starting to sound like my mother."

He tapped out a few characters, then his mind froze up and he grimaced. His thumb made circles and loops in the air above the keyboard, without typing anything.

"Bad time for writer's block. _Epically_ bad time," he muttered to himself.

_You could just answer her._

"That's what I'm doing!"

_You could reassure her, then._

"About what?" he said, momentarily puzzled, then he smiled in relief. "Ah, right."

He tapped a few more virtual keys, and sent the message.

* * *

Beckett was still chewing her lower lip, stopping only to take tiny, bird-like sips of wine every so often, when the typing indicator finally transformed into a message.

_**I'm OK. Quiet here. Just me in the house. Writing is going well**_**.**

She sighed. It wasn't much, but at least he was talking to her now. She quickly typed another message and sent it.

* * *

_**I'm glad. I'm sorry you're alone, but I was scared you might not be. Can I call you? Kate x**_

He felt a tug in his heart, and the beginning of a sense of wonder.

He desperately wanted to believe this alternate history that seemed to be waiting just beneath the surface, but he also felt disconnected and unsure what to believe.

He typed his response painstakingly, deleting words and changing phrases as he went.

* * *

_**Not yet. This is a lot to take in. You usually push me away.**_

The words were like an arrow through her heart, and she felt tears prick the corners of her eyes. She started typing immediately, swiping away a single teardrop that fell onto the screen.

* * *

_**I'm so sorry. I don't mean to. It's not what I want! I hate the way I treated you yesterday.**_

Castle felt himself pulled in two different directions. He desperately wanted to comfort her, but he also needed the truth – or this was never going to end.

He saw that she had forgotten to sign off on that last message, and he knew it was because she was upset.

In a moment of perfect clarity, he knew that she was sitting staring at the bottom edge of this same conversation, waiting for the typing indicator to appear.

He tapped a key, and in his mind he saw a picture of her that was so vivid it could have been happening in the same room: eyes a little wide, tension in her jaw, those magnificent cheekbones casting soft shadows on her face in the cosy evening light of her apartment, and the tiniest beginnings of a smile now that she knew he was replying to her again.

He felt like a complete jackass.

He _knew_ he had every right to be angry, and to feel mistreated, but all his life he'd never been able to maintain a grudge. He could run and hide from a situation, but he would always have long since forgiven the person responsible for it.

Then he met Kate Beckett, and he honestly had no idea how he'd even managed to stay angry this long.

_Forgive her_, his mind chanted, over and over. _Do the noble thing. Set her free. Fall on your sword._

"Just like always," he said, then took a deep breath and began to type.

* * *

Beckett audibly sighed in relief when the typing indicator appeared, then she tapped her nails nervously on the coffee table until the new message slid into view.

_**Let's just forget about that. All forgiven. I probably deserved it. It was really my fault.**_

She frowned in confusion. It was so like him to accept blame, but it just didn't make sense this time. She quickly typed a reply.

* * *

_**No, it was me doing what I always do. I don't want to do that anymore. How could it be your fault?**_

He read the message, and smiled a sad smile. It took him only moments to tap out his reply.

* * *

_**For pushing you, as usual. Wanting something I can't have. It won't happen again.**_

"No!" she said, another tear dropping onto the screen and instantly becoming a prism, lighting up from within in a hundred tiny bands of red, green and blue pixels.

This was the very thing she had dreaded. He was giving up, right in front of her. She blinked to clear her vision and tapped rapidly on the screen.

* * *

Castle took a large swallow of whisky, feeling strangely mellow despite the hollowness inside him. They were talking about it at last. It would all be settled tonight, and then he could at least move on with his life.

His phone made a small sound as a new message slid onto the screen.

_**What about what I want? You said you'd be there for me.**_

He winced. It was even worse that he could so easily picture her large, liquid eyes as she was typing the words.

"Damn it," he said, with more sadness than frustration, already typing his reply.

* * *

_**I meant it, and I will be - always. I just don't know what to think. What do you want?**_

She smiled through her tears. Whenever she read (or even thought of) the word "always", she heard it in his voice.

"It's time," she whispered, and she was surprised to find that she wasn't even scared. She tapped the screen unhurriedly, without any uncertainty or hesitation.

The entire conversation so far – and the last several years of their lives – had led inevitably to these last three words, which would end one stage of their relationship.

_And please let them start a new one_, she thought, then she sent the message.

* * *

Castle put the glass down with a clink, relishing the slow burn of the liquid as it slid down his throat. The sky outside was black, and the wind pushed against the windows as if testing for weaknesses.

_Storm rising_, he thought, but he didn't smile.

He saw the message slide onto the screen almost in slow motion, and then the room and the sky and the storm ceased to exist.

There were only the words, long imagined and wished for, leaving no ambiguity.

He closed his eyes and mentally counted to five, then opened them again. The message was still there, undeniable in its reality.

_**I want YOU.**_


	11. Chapter 11

Castle stood in front of his couch, holding his phone in one hand, and staring out at the night sky. His mind was almost completely blank, amidst a hurricane of warring emotions.

Awe. Hope. Excitement.

Shock. Confusion. Disbelief.

"_I want you_," he read aloud, for the fourth time in the last minute or so.

_That's what it says_, his mind replied.

"Beckett wants _me_."

_So you mentioned._

"But as… as what?"

He look at the timestamp on her message, and saw that it was somehow already almost five minutes ago.

"Goddamnit," he muttered, knowing she would be panicking as she waited for some kind of response.

He tried to think what to say, and eventually just started tapping the screen in frustration.

* * *

Beckett paced her living room, on the brink of full-blown panic.

_Why would he stop replying now?_ she wondered, breathing rapidly. The voice in her mind was getting more and more shrill.

_Maybe he's changed his mind about me. Maybe I'm too late. Maybe he doesn't want this anymore. Maybe-_

She felt her heart stutter for a moment, and she stopped pacing to stare at her phone. As if taking pity on her, a new message slid onto the device's screen.

_**I don't know what to say. I know what I hope you mean, but I don't know what you mean.**_

She nodded, her eyes still wide. "OK, that's something at least," she said, taking a shallow breath. She was about to begin typing a reply when a second message appeared.

_**I can hear you thinking over there.**_

She laughed, or sobbed, or something in between. _Definitely still Castle_, she thought, desperately wishing that he was here.

A third message appeared.

_**My feelings haven't changed, Kate.**_

She gave a watery sigh, then typed very deliberately for almost a minute, sending each line independently in a stream of short messages.

* * *

Castle had only been staring at the typing indicator for a few seconds when text started to appear, sliding onto the screen line by line, a new piece every ten or twenty seconds.

_**What I mean is**_

_**I want you in my life**_

_**I want you to come back**_

_**I want you to forgive me for pushing you away because I was scared of losing what we already had**_

_**I want you as my partner**_

_**I want you as my best friend**_

_**I want you and I to be together in every way**_

_**But most of all I want you**_

_**to know that**_

_**I'm in love with you**_

His legs folded under him, and he sat heavily down onto the couch.

_Well that clears that up_, his mind said cautiously, after a long moment.

He blinked.

_Best. News. Ever. Right?_

He blinked again.

_This is the part where you answer her, genius._

He blinked a third time, and then he remembered that he needed to breathe, and took a ragged breath.

Another message slid onto the screen.

_**Please say something!**_

He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

His thumb hovered over the on-screen keyboard, and then moved downwards and pressed the Home button instead. The Messages app disappeared, revealing a grid of icons.

He opened the Phone app, then tapped _Kate Beckett_.

* * *

She wasn't panicking. Absolutely not.

If you're panicking, you feel something. There's fear, and crazy thoughts. But she was just… paused.

_Oh god,_ she thought.

She had played all of her cards. She didn't even know she was going to say the words until she'd sent them.

She loved him, and now he knew. She shut her eyes and opened them again, but still there was no typing indicator on the screen.

"Now what do I-" she began, but she was cut off by the sudden sound of her ringtone for Castle, and she flinched.

Her face wore a deer-in-the-headlights expression for a full second before her brain caught up, and she frantically tapped the answer button, lifting the phone to her ear.

_Oh god oh god,_ she thought.

"Rick?" she said, in a small voice.

There was silence for a moment, and then he spoke. His voice was warm and gentle, and her heart cried out in relief to hear him again.

"I love you too," he said.


	12. Chapter 12

Castle had a dazed smile on his face as he held the phone to his ear.

"It's so good to hear your voice," Beckett said, and he could hear the relief in her words. Her voice was watery and she was breathing as if she was almost crying.

"Yours too," he replied, absent-mindedly running his finger around the rim of the glass on the table in front of him.

"I'm so sorry about everything," she said.

He paused for a moment before replying. "I know," he said quietly.

She could hear every emotion in his voice. Affection, relief, gratitude, and compassion. But there was also hesitation, and some hurt.

_It's not just like flipping a switch_, she thought, knowing very well that it would take time to convince him of how she felt, and what she wanted for them. She had kept him at arm's length for so long, and she couldn't expect the transition to be immediate. She had to earn his trust first.

_You made a real mess of things, Kate,_ she thought, realising how close she had come to losing him completely. She made a sound, and even she wasn't sure whether it was a sigh or a sob.

"Kate? Are you OK?" he asked, with concern evident in his tone.

"I'm OK," she sighed. "Or… no, I'm not. I don't know."

He frowned. "I'm confused." He heard her give a small laugh, and he smiled.

"You and me both," she said.

"Changing your mind?" he asked, trying to keep his tone light, and he was dismayed to hear her sob again.

"_No_, Rick!" she said, her voice cracking, then she took a shuddering breath and tried to gather her thoughts. "Listen to me, OK?"

"I'm here," he said.

"OK," she replied after a moment, sounding slightly calmer. "First, let me say this again: _I love you_. I know you don't completely believe that yet, but I'm going to keep telling you until you do, because it's true."

He smiled, feeling warmth bloom in his chest. "I've waited years to hear you say that," he said, his own voice wavering now.

_Oh god, Rick, please don't you cry too,_ she thought, squeezing the phone even tighter in her hand. _I couldn't take it_.

"I know you have," she said softly. "I know. And I am _so sorry_ I've made you wait this long. I pushed you away and I didn't let myself see it, and now I almost lost you, and I didn't want this to be the way you heard it from me for the first time! I've screwed this up so much!"

She was crying hard now, her breath coming in ragged gasps. His heart went out to her, and he desperately wished he was there to pull her into his arms.

"Kate," he said gently but urgently, "listen to me. Don't cry. I'm here. We're here now. That's the important thing."

It took her a minute to get herself under control again before she spoke.

"You're too nice to me, you know," she said. Her voice was higher than usual, and she sounded much younger and very vulnerable.

_Maybe I am_, he thought, and he was surprised at himself. _What does that mean?_

"I treat you the way I want to," he said simply, and he heard her sigh.

"I know you do," she said. "And please never stop. But I don't deserve it, and we both know it."

Again a small, sad smile played over his lips. She wasn't the only one who had suddenly allowed herself to see the situation as it truly was.

_Years of chasing after you, and being whatever you'd let me be – but no more_, he thought. _You got a boyfriend, and I got a colleague. Not a fair deal._

The thoughts sounded bitter, but his feelings didn't match. It was _Kate_. He knew that his heart was already swelling to completely forgive her; blame wasn't even a possibility.

_That's what love does_, he thought._ I just need to know you won't push me away again_.

"_Rick?_" she said, sounding afraid and teary again, and he abruptly came out of his reverie.

"Sorry," he said. "I… was thinking about what you said. And you can't think that way. You don't get to choose whether you deserve it."

He paused for a moment, considering his words carefully.

"I won't lie to you," he said. "This is all a lot to take in. I've wanted to hear you say those things for _years_, and I'm not totally sure this is real yet. I mean, I know it's _real_, but…"

"But?" she asked, almost in a whisper, and he exhaled loudly before continuing.

"But, I just need to be sure. I'll get there – I know I will – but you have to understand that I've been on the outside looking in for so long. You mean so much to me, Kate. Nobody can light up my day like you can, just smiling when I bring you a cup of coffee."

He smiled, and he knew she was doing the same.

"But nobody can hurt me like you could, either," he said softly, and he heard her sharp intake of breath.

"I'm… I don't know," he said, casting around for the right words. "I want to feel _safe_ about you. About how you feel about me. I _need_ that. It'll take a little time. And I need you to help me."

Tears were rolling down her cheeks now even though her eyes were squeezed shut, and she was nodding as she listened to him. _I know. I know._

When she spoke, her voice was so quiet and so filled with emotion that he had to strain to understand her.

"I feel completely safe about you," she said, her voice wavering.

He smiled again, and this time it was a broad smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes. He felt just a little of the weight lift from his chest.

"Then there's nothing I'm more proud of," he said.

He heard her breath hitch, and again he wished he could hold her.

"Kate, listen to me, OK?" he said. She sniffed, and he took that as a signal to continue. "We can do this. We're _going_ to do this. And I'm going to keep right on treating you the way I do, because I think you're extraordinary. Remember?"

She made a small sound, and he smiled.

"Sure you do," he said. "And how I feel hasn't changed. I knew it even back then."

He paused again, listening. He could hear her breathing more evenly now.

"We're here now," he said, "and I want to make this work. Because I love you."

"Oh god Rick, I love you too, _so much_!" she cried.

_I believe you_, he thought. _And that's a hell of a first step_.

He felt exhausted, elated, wired, happy and excited all at once. _Nineteen again_, he thought, suppressing a spontaneous laugh.

"I'm going to do whatever it takes," she said, and he nodded.

"I know. I know you will," he said gently. "I'm not trying to punish you, you know. I can't even tell you how much I want to hold you right now."

She snuffled again. _I'd never let you go_, she thought, marvelling at the change that had taken place in herself. Detective Beckett would have rolled her eyes at the sentiment, but Kate was a different story.

_But I've always been Kate inside_, she thought, and it seemed like a profound realisation. _I've just never allowed myself to be her – to be _me_ – with anybody else_.

"I wish you were here," she said. "But I know you're right. We can take this slow, or whatever you need."

"You won't give up on me, right?" he asked, and she easily heard his fear behind the mask of levity. "Because I want this. You – us. More than anything. I just need you to give me the same chance."

"Always," she said softly.

"That's all I wanted to hear," he replied, smiling into the near-darkness of the beach house's living room.

She curled her legs up under her on her couch and leaned back, taking a deep, shuddering breath. There were a few moments of silence as they both just listened to the other's breathing.

"So…" she said, twisting a strand of hair around her finger.

"So," he replied.

She suddenly stifled a yawn, and he grinned.

"Rick Castle, the great conversationalist, at your service," he said, and she laughed out loud.

It was a beautiful sound, and he felt the terrifying strength of his affection for her strike him like a physical object. _Damn I wish I was with you right now_, he thought. _But we're being smart here. Maybe for the first time ever_.

Her laugh went on a little too long, and he knew it was mostly from the rollercoaster of emotions they'd been through today.

"So talk to me," she said at last, and he was glad to hear the playful tone had returned to her voice.

"About what?" he asked, in an exaggeratedly innocent voice.

"Hmm," she said. "How about… I know. Tell me a story."

He grinned again. "A story, you say? Those are kind of my specialty."

"So I've heard," she replied, settling down further into the couch.

He thought for a moment, then took a deep breath. "OK, I've got one. It goes on a bit, but we can skip the boring parts."

"I can't wait," she said.

"Once upon a time," he began, "there was a handsome–"

"-_charming_," she interrupted, with a giggle.

"-and _extremely_ talented writer…"


	13. Chapter 13

_**Author's note: I think the previous chapter (12) had a lot of authenticity and emotional rawness to it; I'm pleased with how it turned out. These scenes always end up being semi-autobiographical, don't they?**_

_**It would have been a good place to end the story, but I think we all want Kate and Rick to actually see each other in person after all this. It won't be today, but we'll keep going.**_

_**Thanks so much for all the reviews - over 200 so far. They're truly appreciated.**_

* * *

Castle yawned and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, rolling over to blink at the beside alarm clock. It said 8:48AM, which counted as a major lie-in.

_It's Sunday, after all,_ he thought.

He smiled as he remembered the events of the previous day. They had stayed on the phone until after 11PM, and Beckett's responses had steadily become fewer and further between, then finally turned into just an occasional mumbled "mm-hmm". He was fairly sure she'd actually fallen asleep at one point, and then he'd told her to go to bed.

She was reluctant to hang up at first, but his assurance that he'd text her the moment he was awake in the morning had made her grudgingly agree to go and get some much-needed sleep.

Castle had gone to bed within half an hour of hanging up, and was out like a light as soon as his head hit the pillow. He couldn't remember his dreams, but he knew they had been pleasant ones.

He lifted his phone out of the bedside charging dock and activated the screen. He had no missed notifications, and he grinned. He knew very well that she would have been up at least an hour ago (probably more like two), and he also knew that she hadn't texted him in case it would wake him.

He quickly tapped out a brief message and sent it, then put the phone down on the bed beside him, yawning extravagantly.

* * *

Beckett smiled as she finally heard her phone chirp, and snatched it up from her couch. She was enjoying her second cup of coffee of the day, and was about halfway through the Sunday paper.

She eagerly unlocked the device and opened the Messages app.

_**Awake, barely**_

"Lazy," she said with a grin, feeling a flutter of nervousness as she switched to the Phone app and tapped his name.

_Relax, Kate_, she thought.

He answered on the third ring, and his voice sounded thick with sleep.

"Morning," he said, and she smiled even more widely.

"Good morning," she replied, feeling a surprise flush rise in her cheeks.

Castle was immediately more awake, and was amused to hear the note of shyness in her voice.

"You OK?" he asked.

"Just having more coffee," she replied, and he laughed.

"That's not an answer," he said.

There was silence for a moment, and he sighed. _It's always easier to talk about this stuff at night than in the morning_, he thought.

"Kate, there are 365 days in a year, right?" he asked, and he could practically see the puzzled look on her face.

"Um… yeah?" she replied, a crease on her brow but the beginnings of a smile already on her lips.

"So this is probably… huh… I guess about the _thousandth_ morning I've woken up knowing I was crazy about you. Trust me, it gets less weird really soon."

She laughed out loud, her cheeks burning, and she felt butterflies flapping around in her chest.

"You always know the right thing to say, don't you?" she said warmly, pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

The undisguised affection in her voice made his heart leap, and he knew that if he could see his own face, he'd be grinning like a fool.

"Only to you. It's one of my _many_ talents." he replied, with just a note of innuendo.

Beckett felt a flash of heat chase through her, and she bit her lower lip.

"You'll have to show me the other ones sometime," she said, and Castle could swear that her voice had dropped about half an octave.

"Hey, no fair," he said, and he couldn't help but grin at her tinkling laughter.

After a moment, she sighed softly. "So what are your plans for today?"

He could hear the unasked question, loud and clear.

"Just writing, I think," he said. "I'll go for a walk along the beach after lunch. And tonight, just for a change, some more writing."

Beckett felt a stab of disappointment to hear that he still had no plans to return to the city, but she pushed it away. _I'll give you as much time as you need_, she thought. _I'm not going to screw this up_.

"Sounds nice," she said. "And maybe you'll have time for a call later?"

"I might even have time for more than one," he said, and she smiled.

"And Kate?" he said, gently.

"Mm?"

"Thanks. For understanding."

She smiled. "Thanks for giving me another chance."

"Always," he said, and then he winced. "Uh… that didn't exactly come out right. I mean, … well, damn it."

She giggled into the phone, and he sighed in exaggerated frustration.

"Yeah, laugh it up - I've been awake for like five minutes!" he said.

"Serves you right for being lazy," she replied immediately. "_Some_ people have been up since seven."

He grinned, and he was about to make a remark about never wanting to be wakened that early, when he had the sudden mental image of waking up next to her.

Beckett heard the barest intake of breath, and again she blushed. _He's thinking about us waking up together!_

Castle cleared his throat. "Well, that's… just too early," he said. "It's actually uncivilised."

There was silence on the line, and he cringed slightly. "Uh, when we started talking about wake-up times, …"

"Yep," she said, stifling a giggle.

"Yep as in…?"

"As in, yes, I thought about that too," she said, and a huge grin appeared on his face.

"Nice," he said, and she rolled her eyes at the smugness in his voice.

_Still in sync_, she thought, and she was enveloped by a huge wave of affection for this man. She felt tears prick the corners of her eyes, and she blinked them away.

Castle's stomach chose that moment to grumble loudly, and she smirked. "Go have breakfast, and call me later," she said.

"Will do, and will do," he said. "You up to much?"

"No real plans," she said. "I've got some grocery shopping to do. I'm going to call Lanie and see how her night out with Esposito was."

"_The dance of passion_," Castle quoted, and she laughed.

"Yeah," she replied. "Then I'll probably just relax here. Might think about you a little bit, if I have time."

"Pencil it in for 5:15 to 5:20PM. That works for me," he said, and she smiled.

There was another long moment of silence, before he spoke again.

"OK, I should go and eat."

"Enjoy your breakfast," she said, "and I hope the writing goes well." She paused, feeling her stomach flip-flop again, and she closed her eyes. "I love you," she said shyly.

His heart felt like it might burst right out of his chest. "I love you too, Kate. God it feels good to tell you that."

"Feels pretty good to hear it too," she replied.

They were both silent for several seconds before she laughed self-consciously. "OK, _go. _Eat! I'm hanging up on you."

"Not if I hang up on you first," he said, in mock challenge.

"Too late," she said, taking the phone from her ear and positioning her finger over the End Call button. After a moment, she quickly raised the device again and listened. She heard him laughing.

"Totally called your bluff," he said, and she stuck her tongue out at the phone.

"Well I'm going _this_ time," she said, with a grin in her voice.

"Wait! There's something I need to say," he said suddenly. "Kate? Are you there?"

"Yes?" she replied.

"Victory is mine!" he exclaimed, and then she heard the beep of the call disconnecting.

She rolled her eyes as she put the phone down beside her coffee cup, and wrapped her arms around herself.

_Day one,_ she thought. _We're doing it_.

Her phone chirped, and she woke the device up again. On the screen there was a message notification from Castle, containing a single emoticon: a red heart.

This time, the tears fell before she could blink them away.


	14. Chapter 14

It was just under two hours since Castle had hung up the phone, and Beckett had just returned from a leisurely round of grocery shopping. Everything had been put away, and she was rewarding herself with another coffee.

Her phone chirped, and she pulled it from the pocket of her jeans. The notification said _Lanie Parish_, and the message was short enough to be fully visible on the Lock screen.

_**Alone at last! Got time for a call?**_

Beckett smiled. Esposito had obviously just left Lanie's apartment, which meant that her friend's evening had gone well.

She decided to just call Lanie herself instead of texting, so she placed the call and lifted the phone to her ear. The line picked up after only a couple of rings.

"_Hey, Kate_," Lanie said, "_How are things?_"

"All quiet here," Beckett replied. "Did you have a good time with Esposito last night?"

Lanie laughed. "_Do you really have to ask?_"

"I guess not," she replied. "So is he a good dancer?"

"_He's got some moves,_" Lanie replied, in a tone of grudging respect. "_My feet are killing me this morning._"

Beckett laughed again, then there was a brief pause.

"_You said all's quiet. I guess you haven't heard from him yet?_" Lanie asked.

"Esposito? Nope, haven't heard a word from him since Friday night at the Old Haunt," Beckett replied in exaggerated innocence.

"_Oooh. Somebody's in a good mood,_" Lanie replied. "_So did you hear from your writer or not?_"

Beckett paused for dramatic effect, and glanced at the clock on her mantelpiece.

"We might have talked on the phone a couple of hours ago…" she said.

"_And what _might_ you have said? And what did _he_ say?_" Lanie asked, and Beckett grinned at the eagerness in the other woman's voice.

"Oh, y'know. This and that. His plans to write all day. My plans to go get some groceries."

"_So you're talking again! That's great!_"

"Yep," she replied, trying to contain a giggle.

"_And you're going to talk to him again later, right?_"

"He's going to call me after lunch, I think," Beckett replied, unable to keep the excitement out of her tone. "That was… pretty much the last thing we said."

"_Pretty much?_" Lanie asked, the pitch of her own voice rising slightly.

Beckett paused for a few seconds before hearing a huff of exasperation over the line.

"_Girl, I'ma smack you._"

Beckett giggled, and she knew her friend was by now burning with curiosity.

"_Kate, what the heck do you mean _pretty much_ the last thing? What was the actual last thing? I'm dying here._"

"We just… said bye. And stuff," Beckett replied.

"_What. Stuff._"

Beckett shrugged, and she knew she was blushing. "I just… told him I love him."

"_Oh my god. What did he say?!_"

"He said he loves me too."

Beckett winced and pulled the phone away from her ear as a shrill squeal burst from the speaker.

It took several seconds for the sound to subside, and Beckett was grinning from ear to ear the whole time.

"You OK over there?" she asked at last, and she was surprised and touched to hear that Lanie was crying.

"_Honey I'm more than OK,_" Lanie replied at last. "_I'm so happy for you two! And Javi and Ryan each owe me fifty bucks._"

Beckett laughed out loud, wondering what the exact nature of the bet had been.

"Listen, Lanie, I have a favour to ask," she began, but the other woman cut her off.

"_Let me guess. Not a word to anybody – not even Javier – until you're ready to tell people._"

"Exactly," she said warmly. "We just… we're still figuring this out. He's not coming back to the city just yet. We're taking it slowly. Like you said, I've got some repair work to do."

"_I completely understand,_" Lanie said. "_I won't say a word._"

"Also, I kind of want to mess with Ryan and Esposito a little," she said, and both women dissolved into laughter.

* * *

Castle stood on the beach about a mile from his house, looking out to sea. The day was slightly brighter and less chilly than yesterday, but the sun was still obscured by cloud, and there was no-one around. His eyes were unfocused, and the white noise of the waves didn't even register.

_So where do we stand?_ he thought.

The last twenty-four hours already seemed like a blur in his mind, and yesterday seemed like it happened about a week ago.

They had made more progress in a day than they had in the last few years.

_And that's good. Right?_

Of course it was good. She was in love with him – he didn't doubt that at all. He finally had what he'd wanted for so long. And he loved her, absolutely and without any question.

_So why am I still here?_

He frowned. That was a big question.

Part of it had to do with the suddenness of the change in their relationship, but he knew that there was a bigger reason.

_Writer boy_, he thought.

She'd kept him at a distance, even though she had apparently been in love with him for at least a while now, whether she'd admitted it to herself or not. It was a troubling thought.

Things had changed, clearly, but he still felt… what? Hesitation? Not really. He was ready to jump into a relationship with her. He'd been ready for years.

Trepidation, then? That didn't really fit either. Whatever ups and downs their future relationship might have, it would always be better than just longing for her from afar. So what was the last speed-bump?

_Respect_, his mind said.

He raised an eyebrow at the endless miles of blue-grey water, stretching beyond the horizon.

The word seemed absolutely right, but it was still ambiguous. He certainly wasn't looking for respect in the sense of deference, or a fawning admiration. There had been plenty of women willing to give him that, and _he_ didn't respect them because of it.

Beckett was different. She was strong, capable, fearless and absolutely her own woman. He loved that about her. A partner in every sense of the word, and someone he could finally feel secure with, when navigating life's strange highways.

His mind flashed back to the scene in the precinct two days before. She'd become embarrassed at his solicitous remarks, and her reaction had set everything in motion.

_Like she wasn't willing to be… like that with me, in front of other people_.

He felt a jab of familiar hurt again, and he knew he'd come to the crux of the issue. He sighed.

"That was two days ago, and a lot has changed," he said, speaking to himself and to the indifferent vista of natural beauty around him.

_True_, his mind replied. _But you haven't changed._

He thought for several moments, then tilted his head in acknowledgement.

"I guess that's the answer I still need to hear," he said, then he pulled his phone from his pocket.

* * *

_**I think Castle would really need to know that Beckett was willing to fully invite him into her life, before he'd feel able to jump into this relationship. Perhaps not so much in the past, but after a few years of their complex dance, and Beckett's repeated approaches and retreats, he'd probably be a bit of a wreck inside.**_

_**He'd be craving some sense of certainty before risking all of himself in this ultimate act of trust, because he already knows that she'll either be everything to him, forever, or will destroy him once and for all.**_

_****__**He's given to quite dark, introspective moods, and periods of significant self-doubt, after all. I wanted to explore that. It comes with the job.**_


	15. Chapter 15

"Hey," Castle said, after Beckett answered the call.

"Hey yourself," she replied warmly, and he smiled.

"Up to much?"

"Just reading the rest of the paper," she said, curling her legs up beneath her on the couch. She pressed the phone closer to her ear for a moment. "I can hear the sea – are you outside?"

"Yeah," he replied. "About a mile from the house, give or take. It's peaceful."

"Are there many people there?" she asked, curious. Most of the Summer crowd would be long gone by now, and she had no idea how many permanent residents there were in the area around Castle's house.

"Haven't seen a single person all day, actually," he said. "and I've been walking for over an hour."

The small smile she'd been wearing suddenly faded. "That sounds really lonely, Rick, not peaceful."

"It's both," he said, after a moment.

She thought for a few seconds, deciding what she could say.

"It's not good to be alone for too long," she said gently. "Is the book still going well?"

"Great," he said. "I'm even ahead of schedule for once."

_So come back to me then_, she thought, biting her lower lip.

"That's wonderful," she replied, injecting some brightness into her voice.

"Mm," he said.

There was an awkward silence for perhaps ten seconds, and then she sighed.

"I miss you," she said. "I wish you were home."

Castle's eyes roamed over the waves, and then it was his turn to sigh.

"I miss you like hell, Kate," he said, with a sombre note in his voice that scared her a little. "Wish I could hold you right now."

"You _can_!" she said, immediately regretting how needy it sounded. She took a calming breath before continuing. "I'm sorry. I'm not pushing. I don't want to pressure you. I really do want you to figure out this… whatever this thing is. And I wish you would tell me when you're coming back."

He smiled, and felt his spirits lift just a tiny fraction, but there was still a heavy weight pressing down on him.

_This place is starting to get to me_, he thought, glancing around but again seeing absolutely no-one, in any direction.

"Soon," he said. "I feel like the last man on Earth out here."

He had meant it to be a lighthearted remark, but the words only sounded forlorn to his ears, and he heard her sigh again.

"I wish I could help you, Rick," she said, in a small voice. "Just tell me what I can do. Is there anything?"

She heard only gulls and the crash of waves on the line for several seconds, and then he spoke.

"There's something," he said, choosing his words with great care. "I need to know why you let me chase you for so long, but never let me in. Especially if you had feelings for me."

She felt her heart rate increase, and she swallowed. "Well, like I said, I didn't want to risk–"

"I know what you said, Kate," he interrupted. His voice was gentle, but also firm. "You didn't want to lose what we already had. I get that; I really do. But I've been thinking about it, and I don't think there was much danger of it happening. And if you're honest, neither do you."

She scrambled to find a suitable reply. _I wish I knew!_

"Rick… OK, you're right about that. I think… we were always going to end up together," she said. "We've both known that for a while."

"Agreed," he said patiently. "But only one of us accepted it. That's what I keep coming back to."

He paused, taking a cleansing breath of ocean air.

"Do you actually know why you kept me at a distance?" he asked.

She closed her eyes as she desperately tried to think. _Why is this so hard? Finding motive is my job!_

"Kate?" he asked, with just the slightest note of concern.

She sighed in exasperation. "I'm here," she replied. "Rick, I'm trying – I swear. I want to know too. I'm so sorry about all this. You're giving me a chance, and I don't even know why I wouldn't let you get close before now."

Beckett felt panic welling up in her throat again, and she forced it away. _You will_ not_ lose control while you're sitting in your own–_

She gasped.

"Kate?" Castle said again, now sounding anxious. "What's wrong?"

_Control_, she thought. _You have so much control over me now, because I know that I love you._

She expected the tide of panic to surge, but instead it ebbed away, little by little.

"Kate!" he said, raising his voice over the wind and the sound of the ocean.

"I'm OK," she said immediately. "I just… give me a minute."

_I've been scared of the power that this feeling has over me_, she thought.

That was why she had always kept men at arm's length, and why her relationships had broken down as soon as the guy started to move closer. That was why the best guys were always the first to go. That was why she gravitated towards men who were in some sense unavailable.

_And Castle was the perfect go-nowhere relationship_, she realised. The rich playboy, just along for a fun day out, always on the lookout for his next thrill.

_But then I fell in love with you, and that terrified me – especially when I realised I didn't want to keep my distance anymore._

"Rick?" she said.

"Yes?!" he replied immediately, sounding frustrated. "Are you OK?"

"I am now," she said.

"So what was–"

"Just listen to me, OK?" she said gently. "Please. There's something I need to say."

There was silence on the line, and she took that as a signal to continue, so she took another deep breath and began to speak.

"I pushed you away because you scared me," she said. She knew he was bursting to interject, and she smiled when he managed to restrain himself.

"I don't let men get near me," she continued. "You've seen it. I even pick the guys who won't be around, or the ones who screw things up before it gets serious. I pick them _because_ they do that."

He listened, while remaining silent. Everything she was saying was true, and he'd thought about it before.

"I think… when I lost my mom, I needed to feel I could control what happened to me," she said. "I became a cop. I set the terms. I made all the rules. And then you showed up, and screwed it all up."

"I–" he began, but she cut him off.

"By making me fall in love with you," she said. "I never saw it coming. You seemed like the last guy on Earth I'd ever say those words to. If you'd been more like your reputation, we would have got together two years ago, and broken up a few months later."

He pondered that thought, frowning. There was irony to be found there. _She's right_.

"But you were… you, instead," she said, and he could hear a smile in her voice again. "Immature, infuriating, stupid, and on a permanent sugar rush. I wanted to kill you so many times."

He laughed, and she smiled at the sound.

"That's just a part of you, though; the boy inside. The _man_ is noble, compassionate, generous, kind… I could go on."

"Maybe later," he said quickly, and she grinned.

"So you just _broke_ me," she said. "I wanted to be with you, but for the first time it was because I _wanted_ the relationship to go somewhere. That scared the hell out of me, and I couldn't face it."

"And now?" he asked, quietly.

The words fell into place as if she'd rehearsed them, and a part of her mind reflected that it was simply because they were true. The truth had a way of being inevitable. That was a lesson she had learned very well indeed.

"Now," she said, "the only thing I'm scared of is _not_ being with you."

A gust of wind slammed into him from seaward, and Castle stumbled back half a step. When he regained his footing, he felt lighter than he had in a long time, and he was smiling.

"Are you still there?" Beckett asked, and her question seemed to have more than one meaning.

"I'm here," he said. "And… thank you."

"That's the last thing you should be saying to me, Rick," she replied, sadly, and his heart went out to her again.

"I mean thank you for figuring it out," he said. "It means a lot, and I'm proud of you, if that doesn't sound too weird and patronising."

She laughed, and couldn't remember being more relieved to hear that beautiful sound.

"So… does that help?" she asked, after a long moment, and again he looked back along the deserted beach. As before, he was the only human being to be found.

"It helps a lot," he said. "It's what I wanted to hear."

"I'm glad," she said, feeling the last of the tension disappear from her shoulders.

They both smiled into their phones in silence for several long moments, before the wind picked up again.

"I'm going to head back to the house, then I've got some stuff to do," he said. "But I'll text in a bit, and we can talk later, OK?"

"OK," she said.

"I love you, Kate Beckett," he said.

"I love you too, Rick Castle."

He hung up, and sighed in satisfaction, then started back along the beach. The only set of footprints he encountered were his own.

* * *

Beckett was humming to herself while flipping through TV channels forty-five minutes later, when her phone chirped.

She reached for it with a smile, feeling a wave of contentment wash over her.

_**Just sitting here thinking about you. Feeling really good about this. Talk in a few hours?**_

She tapped out a reply immediately, unaware that she was still humming.

* * *

The response came within fifteen seconds, and he grinned as it appeared on the screen.

_**Can't wait. Me too! No running away anymore. Kate xxx**_

"You've got that right," he said, then he slid the phone into the pocket of his jeans.

He leaned back in the leather chair, lost in thought for a moment. The sky beyond the glass was still cloudy, but now there were also some scattered patches of pale blue.

_Better day tomorrow_, he thought.

Then he reached forward, twisted the key, and the engine roared into life.


	16. Chapter 16

Beckett opened her eyes slowly, and for a moment she was unsure where she was. She blinked several times, then yawned and stretched as she glanced around, recognising her familiar living room.

The many sections of the Sunday paper lay scattered haphazardly around her, on the couch, on the coffee table, and even a few on the floor. She pushed away her slight feeling of guilt at having fallen asleep, and she smiled as she realised she had absolutely nothing else to do today except relax.

She picked up her phone and activated the screen, seeing that it was almost 6PM.

_He must be really focusing on the book_, she thought. She already knew there were no missed notifications, because the sound would have woken her if she'd received any.

She shrugged, a ghost of a smile playing around the edges of her lips as she remembered their call earlier, then she put the phone back down on the coffee table. She stretched again, then dragged herself up off the couch and headed towards the bathroom.

Five minutes later she was standing in the kitchen watching the coffee machine burble away, feeling much more awake after washing her face and tidying herself up a little.

_Need to think about dinner soon_, she thought, running a finger absent-mindedly around the rim of her waiting coffee cup. _I wonder if I should call him first._

She didn't want to interrupt him if he was making a lot of progress, so she decided that a text would do instead. She was just about to pad over to the coffee table to retrieve her phone when the intercom panel near her front door buzzed, and she frowned as she glanced over towards it.

There were two reasons that the building's doorman or concierge might use the intercom: an unrecognised visitor was asking to come up, or there was a delivery waiting downstairs.

She quickly crossed the room and picked up the handset.

"Hello?" she said, then she heard the thick Brooklyn accent of Fred Watkins, the concierge.

"_It's just Fred, Miss Beckett_," he said. "_You've got a delivery waiting. Should I store it for you?_"

"I'll just come down, Fred – thanks," she replied, wondering what she could possibly have received on a Sunday evening.

She slipped some shoes on and briefly considered putting something over the bright yellow open-necked blouse she was wearing, then she decided against it. _I won't even be going outside._

When she reached the lobby a few minutes later, Fred was waiting at his desk, with an impressive bouquet of red and pink roses.

"Somebody's got an admirer," Fred said, handing the flowers over with a wry smile. "I had my hopes up, but the guy said they're for you."

She blushed as she took the gift. "I don't know, Fred – your day might still come," she said, and the man laughed.

A small white envelope was tucked between the stems, and she smiled, thanking Fred and heading back to the elevators.

Beckett didn't even glance towards the glass entrance doors at the far end of the lobby, so she didn't see the smiling, broad-shouldered man standing across the street, pretending to browse the magazines in a newsstand as he watched her.

* * *

She sat the flowers down on her kitchen countertop, then took a deep breath as she picked up the envelope and opened it. It held a single white card, with a simple message printed in an elegant cursive typeface.

_**Thanks for letting me in.  
**__**-R**_

Her eyes sparkled as she read it a second and third time, then she pressed the card to her chest and sighed with contentment.

_That man_, she thought.

She took a few minutes to put the flowers in water, then she returned to the couch, sat down and kicked off her shoes, and picked up her phone. She only hesitated for a moment before realising she desperately wanted to hear his voice again.

He answered before the third ring.

"Castle," he said, and she could hear a distinct note of smugness in his voice.

"Thank you for my flowers, _Castle_," she said teasingly. "They're beautiful."

"Glad they arrived," he said warmly. "And you're welcome."

She sighed again, and he could easily hear that it was from happiness.

"Writing still going well?" she asked, after a few moments.

"Been taking a break for a couple of hours, actually," he said. "What about you?"

"I fell asleep," she admitted. "Must be all that sea air I could hear last time we talked."

"Could be," he replied, grinning to himself. "I guess it's getting close to dinner time now too."

"Mm," she said, pausing for a moment before continuing in a softer voice. "I miss you, Rick. Even more now. I just wanted you to know that."

"I miss you too," he said gently. "I think I've pretty much reached my limit."

She felt her heart gallop, and she picked up the white card again, running her thumb across its glossy surface.

"Well, you know where I am," she said softly, closing her eyes as she heard him sigh.

"I do," he replied, and there was something in his tone that she couldn't quite place. Amusement, perhaps. Several seconds of silence passed before he spoke again.

"Kate?" he said, and she opened her eyes.

"Yeah?"

"You look _really_ great in yellow," he said.

She blinked, and her brain spun for a moment as she tried to make sense of the statement. Her confusion didn't last long.

"But–" she began, then her mouth snapped shut and then opened again.

_Oh god_, she thought.

Beckett dropped the phone unceremoniously onto the couch, where it bounced a short distance and then came to rest near the edge of the seat cushion, but she paid no attention to it.

She was already up and dashing across the apartment towards the front door, her bare feet slapping loudly on the hardwood floor.

She hesitated for the briefest moment, hands clenched in a mix of anxiety and anticipation, then she grabbed the handle and wrenched the door open.

"Hey," Castle said, wearing a lopsided grin, and she threw herself into his arms.


	17. Chapter 17

They stood in the open doorway for several long minutes, just holding each other. He could feel the moisture of her tears against his neck, but he didn't care.

"If this is the welcome I get, next time I'll go away for a whole week," he murmured into her hair, and he heard something that might have been either a laugh or a sob.

She lifted one arm from around his neck and lightly swatted him on the shoulder before clinging to him again.

"Excessive force!" he quipped, running his large hands up and down her back, and enjoying the sigh of satisfaction he heard.

After another minute, her head slowly came up and he could finally look into her eyes. They were large and liquid, framed with a couple of tear-tracks, and they were shining.

"You came back," she said, and he nodded, lifting a hand from her waist to stroke his fingers gently down her cheek.

"Are you gonna invite me in?" he asked, glancing over her shoulder and into her apartment. She smiled, taking his hand and walking backwards, drawing him through the doorway and then closing the door behind them.

She looked at him for just a moment before pouncing on him and pressing her lips to his.

* * *

"This day just keeps getting better," Castle said, a little out of breath. His back was against the door, and he was leaning down to rest his forehead against hers. He could taste the coffee she had been drinking earlier.

Beckett's lips were full and red, and her cheeks were flushed a deep pink.

_At last_, she thought.

Her whole body was utterly alive. She could feel his breath against her cheeks, and she was surrounded by the smell of him. She curled a hand around the back of his head, running her fingers through his wavy hair, and she heard a satisfied sound rumble through his chest.

"That's nice," he said, and she grinned.

"I'm _never_ going to get tired of this," she replied, and he laughed.

His fingertips gently traced the line of her jaw and then cupped her cheek, tilting her chin up as he captured her lips in a much more gentle kiss. It was slow, and soft, and filled with emotion. Another tear spilled from the corner of her eye.

He swiped the tear away with his thumb, then pulled back slightly to look deep into her eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but she beat him to it.

"I love you, Rick," she said, and he felt a surge of giddy happiness.

"I love you too, Kate," he replied softly, pressing another kiss to her lips.

They gazed into each other's eyes for a few moments before Beckett suddenly blinked, seeming to consider something.

"Have you been home yet?" she asked.

"I came straight here," he said. "Well, via a florist. I wanted to see you."

She smiled, once again wrapping her arms around his neck.

"And I'm glad you did," she replied. "But doesn't Alexis get back today?"

_You remembered_, he thought.

He nodded. "Yeah, in a hour or two. Which is _why_," he said, fastening his hands around her waist and pulling her body flush against his, "I was wondering if I could invite you over to my place for dinner tonight."

She nodded, smiling warmly, and reached up to play with that one lock of his hair that always hung down. He looked relieved.

"I know it's not perfect," he said, "but we're off work tomorrow, and she has classes. I've been missing both of you this weekend. We can all have dinner together then I'm sure Alexis will have things to do, so you and I can spend some more time alone together."

She laid one palm flat against his chest. "It's perfect, Rick, honestly," she said. "I always love to see Alexis. And we've got–"

"Always?" he suggested with a smirk, and he was delighted to see her blush deeply.

"_Plenty of time_," she said. "Let me just grab my stuff. D'you want to call a cab?"

"I drove here," he replied. "And I have the _coolest_ car."

* * *

The Ferrari made short work of the distance between their respective addresses, and traffic was unusually moderate, even for a Sunday evening. They arrived at the loft within twenty-five minutes of leaving Beckett's place.

Castle had his overnight bag from the car slung over his shoulder, and Beckett carried a large purse that she'd retrieved from her bedroom. She felt a twinge of anxiety as he unlocked the front door, but it settled quickly when it became apparent that there was nobody home.

Castle called Martha to let her know he was home, and was informed that she was out for the evening with an old friend, and would return tomorrow morning. Alexis had texted during the ride over, saying she'd be home in about ninety minutes, depending on traffic.

"Home sweet loft," he said, ushering her in and closing the door. "I'm just going to stash this bag. Back in a sec. Make yourself comfortable."

She nodded, feeling slightly shy in his home now that their relationship had changed, and then immediately feeling ridiculous because she'd been here so many times before.

He walked off in the direction of his bedroom, and she felt a flush rise in her cheeks. She turned towards the living room area, preparing to drop her purse beside the large couch, then she paused.

_Nope,_ she thought. _No more hiding away._

She turned and walked over to the open door of his bedroom, and knocked gently on it.

Castle glanced around from unpacking the few contents of his bag, and smiled. "Come on in," he said.

She took a deep breath, and walked into the room. It was larger than she thought, and very masculine. There was a dramatic framed enlargement of a lion on one wall, a brown leather headboard, tasteful bedside lamps, and various books sitting on several surfaces.

It smelled completely like him, and she felt her stomach flip-flop. She looked at the king-size bed, and she immediately felt her cheeks burning. Belatedly she realised that he was still watching her, and she sighed at the smirk on his face.

"It's just a room," he said kindly, and she tilted her head.

"No it's not," she replied. "It's _your_ bedroom. Rick Castle's bedroom. First time I've ever seen it."

He watched her, fascinated, as she took a few more steps away from the door, looking around, then she systematically walked around the edge of the room, looking at various knick-knacks and running her fingers over the surfaces. At last, she joined him at the foot of the bed.

"Which side is yours?" she asked coyly.

He grinned. "Kind of the whole thing," he said. "I steal all the covers too."

A whirlwind of images flew through her mind, and she swore that her elevated pulse must be visible at the side of her neck.

He reached out towards her, and she stepped gratefully into the circle of his arms.

"Hey," he said gently, "I know it's a little weird right now, but for what it's worth, I'm glad that… everything happened this way. I want you to be comfortable here."

She smiled, and tightened her arms around his waist for a moment before releasing him and taking a step back.

"I just want to be wherever you are, Rick," she said, then she lifted the strap of her own bag over her head, and dropped it onto the bed beside his.

His smile crinkled the corners of his eyes, and this time his kiss wasn't so gentle.

* * *

Almost exactly ninety minutes later, Castle and Beckett both heard Alexis's key in the lock. They were busy preparing a meal for all three of them, and he grinned in excitement as he turned to see the front door open.

"Hey sweetie," he called across the large open area, and Alexis smiled at him, dragging a suitcase behind her and propping it against the wall just inside the door.

"Hey dad!" she said, starting to pull off her coat, then she saw Beckett standing in the kitchen area, chopping something. The girl's face lit up."Detective Beckett!"

"You're really going to have to start calling me Kate," Beckett said, and the girl grinned.

"Kate, then," Alexis replied.

She hung her coat on a hook and then bounded over to be enveloped in a bear hug by her father.

"Did you have a good time?" he asked, lifting her a little bit off the ground in his enthusiasm.

"It was great!" she said. "I'm really tired, but I had a great time."

"I'm glad," he said. "I want to hear all about it, except the parts that will haunt my nightmares forever."

"Deal," she said, extricating herself from the hug and padding over to where Beckett was standing. "Hi," she said, and Beckett smiled at her.

"Hey," Beckett replied, and Alexis was surprised when the woman embraced her. She returned the gesture eagerly. They fell into conversation about her trip, and Alexis offered to help with the dinner preparations.

Castle watched the two women he loved most in all the world, hugging each other and chatting about inconsequential things as they all made a meal together. He felt a lump rise in his throat, and he swallowed it away. _This moment, right now, is pretty much perfect_, he thought.

Beckett happened to glance over at him and Alexis followed her gaze a moment later, and he saw Beckett reading his expression effortlessly. She smiled tenderly at him, and he nodded gratefully in response.

"You OK, dad?" Alexis asked, her fiery hair sparkling in the bright overhead lights above the counter, and Kate put a hand on the girl's shoulder.

"He just missed you," she said reassuringly. "And he had the drive back from the Hamptons too."

Castle nodded again. "I'm just happy to be back with my two favourite women," he said, and Alexis's eyes lit up again as she glanced shyly at Beckett.

She knew very well how much her father cared for his partner, and she wished that he would just tell her. She had always hoped that Beckett returned his feelings, but it could be difficult to tell how things were going between them on any given day.

Beckett saw Alexis looking at her hopefully after Castle's remark, and she smiled at the girl.

_Nothing means more to him than you_, she thought, and she knew that this was one of the moments that she would have previously run from. This time, though, there was no sense of uncertainty.

She looked over at Castle, and all at once she saw everything he was feeling: love, longing, hope, fear, forgiveness, and acceptance. She knew that she had his permission to respond with a quip and change the subject, if it would make her feel more comfortable.

She felt such a wave of love for this man, who would respect her boundaries even when his own daughter was concerned. _I really don't deserve you_, she thought, and in that moment she made a choice.

She crossed the short distance to where he was standing, with Alexis watching.

"We're glad you're back too," Beckett said, smiling up at him.

Alexis's eyes widened, and she looked cautiously from one to the other and back again.

Beckett slowly reached up and put her arms around his neck, then pressed a sweet kiss to his lips. Castle's arm snaked easily around her waist.

"Oh my god!" Alexis squealed, drawing an amused look from both of them. "Are you…?"

Beckett nodded, smiling. "We're–" she began, then glanced up at Castle with a question in her eyes.

"We're together now," he said simply, and Beckett felt a wave of excitement and pride wash over her.

Alexis hurried across and threw her arms around both of them. "I am _so happy for you!_" she said. Castle and Beckett both curled an arm around her, and the three of them just stood there for several long moments.

_So this is what it's like_, Beckett thought, and she wasn't surprised to realise that she loved his daughter too.

Alexis lifted her head from her father's chest, all smiles, and looked at him thoughtfully. He raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I'm happy for _you_, dad," she said, nodding her head towards him before looking towards Beckett. "But you've got your work cut out for you."

"Don't I know it," Beckett replied.

Castle gave an exaggerated sigh, unable to keep the grin off his face.

"Could you two at least insult me on a full stomach?" he said.

* * *

_**Author's note: I'll be travelling in Europe for a few days. More at the weekend, if you're still interested!**_


	18. Chapter 18

The images on the TV flickered comfortingly, but only two of the three people in the dimly-lit living room area of the loft were paying it much attention.

Castle and Beckett sat side by side on a long section of one of the several couches, and Alexis sat halfway along another section, almost at right-angles to the first. The girl kept stealing glances at her father and his mugs that had earlier contained hot chocolate sat forgotten on the coffee table.

Beckett was fully aware that she was under scrutiny, but pretended not to notice. She was leaning into Castle's right side, with her legs curled up beside her. Her left hand was linked with his right, resting on his thigh, with their fingers loosely interlaced.

Every so often, Castle would huff or laugh at something on the TV, and each time she turned to look at his face in profile, with a soft smile on her lips. He would occasionally turn his face slightly towards her and make a comment or observation, talking almost directly into her ear, and her pulse raced at the casual intimacy of it.

Alexis watched the two of them carefully, with a satisfied grin playing around her lips.

After a few minutes, Castle sighed and squeezed Beckett's hand briefly, then released it. "Back in a minute," he said, and she nodded.

The two women watched him walk off in the direction of the bathroom, and as soon as he was out of earshot, they looked at each other. Beckett smiled.

"What's on your mind?" she asked kindly, and Alexis glanced off into the distance for a moment, choosing her words carefully, before making eye contact again.

"I'm really happy for you two," she said, with just a hint of a flush in her cheeks. "I can't tell you how much I've wanted this to happen."

Beckett smiled again, and nodded. "I know," she replied. "And I really appreciate you making this easy for me. Or, not weird, I mean."

The girl returned her smile, and shrugged. "I already know you," she said, then looked down at her own hands.

Beckett watched her for a moment, then gathered her courage. _Got to talk about it sooner or later_, she thought.

"You can just come out and say it, Alexis," she said gently, and the girl looked up at her, eyes wide.

"Say what?" Alexis asked cautiously, and Beckett tilted her head.

"That… you're wondering what the situation is, exactly," Beckett replied. "From my side, I mean."

Alexis nodded slowly, not taking her eyes from the other woman. She was silent for several seconds, then she gave a small sigh. When she spoke, she sounded much older than her years.

"He's been in love with you for a long time," she said solemnly. "And you knew about it, didn't you?"

Beckett swallowed, but kept her face calm. _You're definitely his daughter_, she thought, and she was suddenly desperate to win the girl's trust.

"Yes, I did," she replied. "Rick and I have talked about it a little, but you deserve to hear it too. I know you want the best for him and you're just trying to protect him."

"I love him," Alexis replied. She said it with effortless conviction, like she was stating a fundamental law of nature that no rational person could ever doubt. There was no apology or hesitation in her voice, but nor was there any accusation. Just a calm, inevitable testament of the truth. Beckett blinked away the sudden sting of tears before they could fall.

"I know you do. I'm really glad that he has you," she replied quietly. "And I want you to know that I'm in love with him."

Alexis's eyes widened, and she felt her own stomach flip-flop. "Have you…?" she began, and Beckett smiled and nodded.

"I've told him," Beckett replied. "And he told me that he loves me too."

She watched the girl's expression soften, and she waited a moment before continuing.

"I'm not going to hurt him, Alexis," she said, feeling a stab of guilt as the girl's gaze flicked away for a moment, her long lashes covering her eyes. "This is a really big deal, for both of us. I want to be with him. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure he knows that."

Alexis looked up at her again, and her cheeks were pink. She once again looked her age, rather than a shadow of the grown woman she would become. She smiled shyly, and Beckett felt a huge surge of affection for her.

"Your dad drives me nuts at times, but I'm damned if that doesn't make me love him _more_," she said, and Alexis laughed. "He always used to tell me we'd end up together. I guess he was right, as usual."

"Don't tell him that, though," Alexis replied, and Beckett screwed up her nose in horror.

"Oh _god_ no," Beckett replied. "He's smug enough as it is."

"He really is!" Alexis replied, and both women giggled, before glancing around at the sound of Castle's approaching footsteps.

"He really is what?" Castle asked, looking suspiciously from one to the other as he sat back down beside Beckett. "I assume that I'm the guy in question."

Beckett took his arm, her face wearing an expression of perfect innocence. "We were just talking about what a wonderful man you are," she said.

Alexis nodded earnestly.

Castle, who had actually overheard their entire conversation and allowed them a few minutes alone together, grinned smugly. "I'm glad we're all in agreement on that," he said.

Both women rolled their eyes, then Alexis met Castle's gaze. Their conversation was entirely silent, but as clear to each of them as if it had been spoken aloud.

_You OK with this?_

_Of course, dad._

_OK. Love you, pumpkin._

_Love you too._

Beckett watched the flurry of messages that glinted across the surface of both father and daughter's eyes, and she felt a sense of wonder – along with a small pang of jealousy.

Castle seemed to sense the thought, and he draped his arm around Beckett's shoulder, pulling her close. She snaked an arm around his waist and smiled up at him.

"The telepathy takes about six months of near-constant exposure to kick in. You'll get it eventually," he said, and she grinned.

"Sounds like you see a future in this," Beckett replied, in a teasing tone.

"Why _detective_," he said, in mock surprise, "I'd never be so presumptuous."

She prodded him in the ribs, and he held up his free hand in a gesture of truce. They looked into each other's eyes for a long moment, then Alexis cleared her throat and stood up.

"Well, I'm getting tired so I think I'm going to call it a night," she said, padding over to stand in front of the couple.

"Sleep well, sweetie," Castle said, pecking his daughter on the cheek as she leaned down to hug him.

"Goodnight, Kate," Alexis said, embracing Beckett as Castle looked on.

"Sweet dreams," Beckett replied, holding the girl tightly for a moment before letting her arm fall away. She was rewarded with a brilliant smile, and she felt her heart melt.

Castle and Beckett watched Alexis climb the stairs, then heard her footsteps recede before the door of her room finally clicked shut.

He sighed contentedly, and she looked up at him.

"She's a wonderful young woman," Beckett said, and Castle beamed with unconcealed pride.

"She is. No idea where she gets it from," he replied. "Definitely not from her dad. And _totally definitely_ _not_ from her mother either."

She smiled, and moved her hand to his chest. "You should take credit where it's due, Rick," she said gently. "You're an amazing father."

He was quiet for a moment, considering her words. Finally, he shrugged and smiled at the same time. "She makes it easy," he said. "Alexis is one of the things I've done right. She's the best one."

Beckett was suddenly certain that she was going to burst into tears, but the moment passed as quickly as it had arrived. She reached up and ran her fingertips along his jawline, then gently turned his face towards her before capturing his lips with hers. More than a minute passed before she pulled back, breathing more quickly than before.

"What was that for?" Castle asked, his eyes sparkling and a grin curling the edges of his mouth.

"For being you," she replied simply. "For being Alexis's dad. For being _Castle_. For giving me another chance."

His grin became a warm smile. "And for loving you?" he asked quietly, and she felt her heart flutter.

"Especially that," she said.

* * *

_**Author's note: Self-evidently, I've returned from my travels. Bonus points to those who spotted the **_**Star Trek: Voyager**_** reference.**_


	19. Chapter 19

"No school tomorrow," Castle said, through a huge, jaw-cracking yawn.

"If we're lucky," Beckett mumbled, her head resting on his shoulder and her face turned in towards the crook of his neck.

He had used the remote to switch off the TV a few moments ago, and the living room was plunged into a soft and comfortable gloom. There were two empty wine glasses on the coffee table now, and the mugs from earlier were in the dishwasher.

His right arm was around her shoulders, and he raised his left arm to check his wristwatch. To his surprise, it was already after 11:30 PM.

Beckett saw the gesture and felt her heart sink a little. _I should let him get some sleep_, she thought. _I had a nap at my place a few hours ago, and he's had a long drive._

She didn't want to leave. It was their first evening as a couple, and so much had happened over the last few days. _But there's no rush_, she thought.

She buried her nose in his neck for a moment, inhaling his scent, and she felt him drop a gentle kiss onto her forehead. She lifted her head to smile up at him.

"I guess I should probably be going," she said, trying to keep her tone light.

He had been smiling at her, but now his smile faltered. "You're not staying here tonight?" he asked, sounding puzzled.

She blinked, surprised at the question. "Uh… well, I didn't think that…"

She trailed off, and he looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to finish. She struggled to find the right words.

"I mean, Alexis is here, and you've had a long day, so… I just assumed I'd head back to my place."

He nodded, and thought for a moment.

"Kate, I'm not going to put any pressure on you," he said gently. "If you want to go home, I'll call you a cab right now. But I was _kind of_ hoping you'd want to stay over."

She searched his eyes, and found that it was only an honest statement of what he wanted. She was absolutely free to leave if she preferred to, without it meaning anything else.

"Huh," she said, stalling as she considered it. _Can I just… stay with him? It's day one. But it's also kind of day… I don't know. A hundred? Five hundred? I have no idea._

He chuckled to himself, abruptly pulling her from her thoughts. "I can hear you overthinking this," he said teasingly, and she narrowed her eyes at him, unable to keep a small grin from her face.

"Maybe," she replied, feeling her uncertainty beginning to fade. _I want to stay. Can I just stay? He said he wants me to._

"It's not like you haven't crashed on this couch before," he said, and both her eyebrows shot up.

"Woah, woah, _woah_," he said quickly, before she could say anything. "I definitely do _not_ mean you'd be crashing on the couch _tonight_."

"Real smooth, Rick," she said wryly, and he groaned.

"Will you just put me out of my misery?" he asked, then his voice became gentle again. "I'm just asking you to stay with me tonight. You and me, in my bed, getting some sleep. I'm not asking for anything more than that. I just… I think we deserve it."

Again she looked into his eyes, reading all the emotions that glinted and shimmered there. He wasn't spinning her a line. He just didn't want her to leave any more than she did.

"I… might have packed a couple of overnight things in my purse earlier, just in case," she said, blushing deeply, and Castle laughed out loud.

"Then it's settled," he said, dropping another kiss onto her forehead, before looking at her carefully again. "That is, if you want to."

"Of course I want to," she said, uncurling herself from his side and standing up before reaching out and taking his hand.

He stood up with her, and they both walked to his bedroom, switching off lights as they went.

Beckett felt another ripple of nervousness as she entered his most private room for only the second time, but she pushed it down. Castle had stopped just inside the doorway, and was looking at her. His face wore an expression she couldn't read.

"What?" she asked, timidly, and he smiled.

"You sure you're OK with this?" he asked. "I really want you to stay, but it's more important to me that you're comfortable. We've got nothing but time."

She felt the tension slip away, and she gave him a dazzling smile. "I know," she said. "And I'm sure."

He nodded, reaching out to caress her cheek for a moment before letting his hand drop back to his side.

"You mind if I use the bathroom?" she asked, and he pointed to a door on the far side of the room. She picked up her purse from where she'd dropped it earlier, and took it with her.

When she came out a few minutes later, she was wearing simple powder-blue shorts and a light grey cami top, with her hair tied back, and he grinned. Castle was sitting on the right side of the bed, his shoes now off, flipping idly through a magazine.

"I knew it! You look _seriously_ cute in your jammies," he said, and she rolled her eyes, secretly thrilled at his words.

"So is that your side?" she asked to change the subject, curling her toes into the soft carpet that extended out for a couple of feet around the bed.

"Yep. Which makes _that_ your side," he replied, nodding towards the left side of the bed.

She felt her heart stutter. _My side_, she thought. _Rick Castle's bedroom. Oh my freaking god!_

She couldn't contain the small, giddy laugh that bubbled up from her throat, and Castle raised an eyebrow at the sound. Beckett blushed furiously, folding her arms tightly across her chest.

"Sorry," she said. "It's just–"

"That this is still weird," he interjected, in a reassuring tone. "I know. I keep expecting to wake up, then have to go and buy coffee before I get to see you."

She grinned. "You still have to get me coffee," she said. "Didn't I mention that was part of the deal?"

"I already assumed," he said, putting the magazine on the nightstand and standing up. He crossed to where she was standing and kissed her on the tip of her nose. "Be right back. Get comfy."

He went into the bathroom and shut the door, and Beckett stood for a few moments before walking slowly around to the left side of the bed.

She pulled back the covers and suppressed another giggle before climbing in, and she was immediately surrounded by the smell of him. She sighed in satisfaction, turning instinctively towards his side of the bed.

She lay there for a minute or so with her head propped up on her elbow, running her free hand across the incredibly soft sheets.

_Lanie's going to go nuts_, she thought, and she had to press her hand over her mouth to stifle the laughter that threatened to burst from her.

A few moments later she heard the handle of the bathroom door turn, and Castle stepped out. He took a couple of steps then stopped when he saw her.

"If I die right now – and that would be the most unfair thing _ever_ – then at least I'd die happy," he said, grinning at her.

She tried to frown, but only managed a slightly crinkled smile. "Well don't die _now_," she said. "Then who's going to warm up my feet?"

The expression of mock terror on his face made her laugh, and then they just looked fondly at each for several long moments.

"So are you coming to bed or what?" she asked shyly, and Castle grinned again.

"Boom!" he exclaimed. "I _knew_ I'd get you to say that eventually."

"Well don't make me say it again tonight," she replied, shaking her head, "or maybe I'll change my mind."

"Yes ma'am," he said, immediately starting to unbutton his shirt.

Beckett's breath caught in her throat. She knew she was staring, but she didn't care.

He undid the last button and pulled the cobalt blue shirt off, and her eyes roamed over his shoulders, broad chest, and toned lower torso. Her mind was utterly blank, and she felt desire well up within her.

Castle noticed her unabashed appraisal of him, and he unconsciously tensed his abdominal muscles. "Like what you see?" he asked, and her eyes snapped up to meet his.

"Oh yeah," she said, her voice a little huskier than before. She swallowed, her eyes flicking away from his face towards his chest again. _I could have been curling up to _this_ every night for the last few years? Kate, you're an idiot_, she thought.

"Glad to hear it," he said, unbuckling his belt and letting his suit trousers fall to the floor. He stepped out of them and drew back the covers on his side of the bed, then climbed in beside her, moving so that his face was only twelve inches or so from hers.

Beckett's eyes were dark and stormy, and her lips were slightly parted. She could smell his cologne along with his natural scent, and she could feel the heat emanating from his body. _God you are a beautiful man_, she thought, and her pulse quickened.

When he spoke, his voice was deeper than it had been a few moments earlier, and there was a twinkle in his eye.

"Feeling tired?" he asked, not breaking eye contact with her.

She took a quick, shallow breath and she saw his eyes flick downwards for a moment when she licked her lips.

"Not even a little bit," she replied.

Five whole seconds passed as they searched each other's eyes, and then identical lazy smiles appeared on both their faces.

"Me neither," he said, then he reached out and pulled her to him.

* * *

_**Author's note: I've read a lot of stories where the first night together is just falling asleep. That's nice, and fits some situations, but it doesn't seem very Castle and Beckett to me.**_

_**Martha gets home tomorrow morning, and of course Lanie is going to want an update sometime soon - then there's Ryan and Esposito, who are blissfully unaware of the weekend's events. There's some mileage left in this story, I think, but do let me know if you think this would be a good ending point.**_


	20. Chapter 20

Beckett woke up slowly, and it took a minute or so before she realised that something was different – or rather, several things.

The sheets were softer than her usual ones, and the mattress was slightly more firm. Her mouth curled into a soft smile before she knew why, then she realised that she was surrounded by his scent.

_Castle_, she thought, her mind now beginning to wake up in earnest.

Next, she noticed that she was naked, and her pulse quickened. Then finally she became aware of the warm body behind her, and the strong arm slung loosely around her waist.

Her eyes blinked open, and she saw the morning sunlight spilling into the room around the edges of the blinds.

_The morning after_, she thought, and she laid her hand over his on her stomach, feeling him move after a moment.

"Mmm," he rumbled, his voice still rough with sleep. "Morning."

"Morning," she replied, turning slowly around to face him.

His eyes flickered open, and she smiled at him, feeling warmth in her cheeks.

He stared at her through half-open eyes for several moments before sighing contentedly. "Damn you're beautiful," he said.

"I could get used to hearing that," she replied, and he grinned.

"You _are_ gonna get used to hearing it," he said, brushing a stray strand of hair from her cheek and then yawning and closing his eyes again.

She watched him for a few seconds, marvelling at how far they had come in just a few days. _And after I almost lost him_, she thought, suppressing the small surge of panic she felt.

"I love you," she said softly, and his eyes opened again immediately.

"And I could get used to hearing _that_," he replied.

She smiled and reached up to run her fingers down his jawline.

_Thank you for giving me the chance to tell you_, she thought.

"So," Castle said, pressing a kiss to her lips and then another to her cheek, and a third to her forehead, "are you up for some breakfast?"

She nodded, returning his kiss.

"I'll get it started," he said. "You should come and help. There are towels in the hamper if you're taking a shower first."

"I'll be quick," she said, and he nodded again before giving her a final smile then rolling over and getting out of bed.

* * *

Castle was presiding over various pans on the stove when Beckett padded quietly through from his bedroom towards the kitchen area.

She was barefoot, and wearing her jeans from last night. Instead of her yellow blouse or the grey cami top, though, she had his cobalt blue shirt on, gathered loosely at her waist, with the sleeves rolled up until they hung around her elbows.

She reached his side and clasped her hands behind her back. "So what can I do?" she asked.

He glanced towards her and then did a double-take when he saw what she was wearing. "Wow," he said, grinning widely.

"I had a feeling you might like this," she said, unable to hide the cheeky smile on her lips.

He slung his arms around her waist and pulled her to him, kissing her passionately.

"You should keep that shirt," he said after their lips had parted, his eyes slowly roaming down to her neckline and then back up to meet her gaze.

"Of course I'm going to keep it; it's _mine_," she said, and he laughed.

She put her arms around his neck, and they were both still staring into each other's eyes when they heard the sound of Alexis clearing her throat. Both of their heads whipped around, and Beckett blushed deeply.

The girl was standing at the foot of the stairs, grinning at them. "Don't let me interrupt anything," she said.

"Morning, pumpkin," Castle said, keeping a tight hold on Beckett. He was pleased that she hadn't tried to pull away, even though he could see the flush in her cheeks.

"Hey dad," Alexis replied, walking towards the kitchen area. "Morning, Kate."

"Hi Alexis," Beckett replied, seeing the girl look approvingly at Castle's shirt on her. She was sure her cheeks must be fire-engine red by now.

"It's nice having you here for breakfast," Alexis said, and Beckett smiled in relief. _You're so much more mature than I sometimes give you credit for_, she thought.

"It's nice to be here," she replied.

Alexis gave them both a brief hug, then turned her attention to the stove.

Forty-five minutes later, the food had all been taken care of, and the three of them were sitting around the breakfast bar area chatting when they heard the front door open.

Martha bustled in, her wheeled suitcase following behind her. Beckett's shoulders tensed in apprehension, but Castle ran his hand comfortingly down her back, and then put his arm around her waist. The two of them sat on the same side of the counter, facing the door, and Alexis was on the opposite side, turned halfway around on her stool to watch see grandmother's arrival.

"Good morning, everyone," Martha called from the entranceway, pulling off her coat and hanging it on the rack. She strode elegantly over towards the kitchen area, her step only faltering for the briefest moment when she saw Beckett was there. She embraced Alexis and then perched on another stool, calmly looking from Beckett to Castle and back again.

"So," she said, "I see you're awake."

"Mother," Castle said in a warning tone, and Martha held a hand up, cutting him off.

"I'm _delighted_ for the two of you, as you well know," she said, and Alexis clasped her hands together in glee. "It certainly took you long enough."

Beckett blushed and looked down at the countertop, and Castle noticed the gesture, pulling her against him. She went willingly, curling her arms around his waist, and they smiled at each other.

Martha smiled. "Ah, young love," she said wistfully. "I remember the last time a man looked at me like that."

A grimace appeared on Castle's face, and Beckett pressed her fingers over his lips to silence him.

"Thank you, Katherine," Martha said, nodding in approval. "I like this arrangement already."

Alexis giggled, and Beckett grinned at the girl.

* * *

Alexis had just left a few minutes earlier, and Martha had disappeared upstairs to unpack and settle back in. Beckett and Castle were sitting side by side on the couch, nursing the remains of their second coffees of the morning.

"So what do you want to do today?" she asked.

"Hmm. Well, first thing I need to do is take five minutes to email those chapters to my editor," he said. "That should keep her off my back for a few weeks."

"OK," Beckett replied, with a grin. "So that's five minutes already taken care of. And?"

He prodded her in the arm, and she grabbed his hand and held it between both of hers.

"I think I've got a bit of cabin fever from being at the beach house," he said. "I kind of want to get out into the city and be around people. You know?"

She nodded. "Well maybe we can stop by my place–" he raised an eyebrow and leered at her, and she swatted at him before continuing, "–so I can _change_, then we can go for a walk. Maybe get lunch someplace."

"Sounds great," he replied, then he was silent for a minute or so. "Do you think the guys would be up for another night at the bar? I feel a little stupid for missing it."

She squeezed his hand, and leaned in to give him a gentle kiss. "I think we can probably twist their arms," she said. "It wasn't the same without you."

He smiled gratefully, and she nodded.

"You go and sent your chapters, and I'll call Lanie," she said. "She'll make sure Esposito will come along, and _he'll_ make sure Ryan does too."

"A cunning plan," Castle said, swallowing the rest of his coffee and then getting up.

He walked through to his desk and sat down, immediately beginning to work at his laptop. Beckett padded through to the bedroom and retrieved her cellphone, and placed a call to Lanie. It rang for several seconds before she heard the line connect.

"_Hey girl_," Lanie said, and Beckett grinned.

"Hi Lanie. How are you?"

"_Oh I'm just fine, and you?_"

"Pretty good," Beckett replied.

"_Mm-hmm. You're up early on your day off._"

"We just finished breakfast a little while ago."

There was silence for a few seconds.

"_We?_"

"Rick and Alexis and I."

More silence.

"_You're eating breakfast with him and his daughter? At his place here in the city?_"

"He surprised me at my apartment last night. We came over here for dinner because Alexis was getting back from her weekend away."

"_Uh-huh_," Lanie replied. Beckett could almost hear her thinking. "_And between dinner and breakfast?_"

Beckett blushed, padding silently to the far corner of the living room area, as far as she could get from his partially-open office door. When she spoke, it was almost in a whisper.

"I'll give you one guess."

"_Damn, girl, you move fast! I mean, after not moving _at all_ for like three years. I'm really happy for you two._"

Beckett giggled, cupping her hand over her mouth and the phone's microphone.

"_So, uh… how was it?_" Lanie asked, in a sly tone, and Beckett glanced around at the office door, as if Castle had heard the question.

"Lanie!" she whispered, "He's just next door!"

"_And he's not going to know what you're talking about if you keep it simple. We've all been getting tortured with this for way too long, Kate. You owe me details._"

Beckett sighed in mock exasperation, but she had naturally been hoping that Lanie would ask.

"Well if you _must_ know," she whispered, again throwing a glance over her shoulder to check that Castle was still in his office, "it was… amazing." Her cheeks were burning now, and if Castle came out in the next few minutes she wasn't going to be able to hide it from him.

"_I knew it!_" Lanie said, cackling down the line. "_Well, good for you. And are you staying there for the rest of the day?_"

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that," Beckett said. "Rick wants to have another night at the Old Haunt, since he missed Friday. Can you make sure Esposito and Ryan are up for it?"

"_No problem. What should I tell them?_"

"About me and Rick? Nothing. I need to talk to him about it. Just say he feels bad that he missed Friday, and he wants to celebrate getting a lot of writing done over the weekend. That's all true anyway. And tell Ryan to bring Jenny."

"_You got it,_" Lanie replied. "_What time?_"

"Let me check," Beckett replied, quickly walking across the open-plan living area and pushing the office door open, knocking gently as she went.

"Almost done; I'll be right there," Castle said, not looking up from his laptop as he alternately typed and clicked rapidly.

"I've got Lanie on the phone," Beckett replied, and then he did look up. "She wants to know what time everybody should meet at the Haunt tonight."

He smiled. "Great. Uh… say 8PM? I'll make sure we're expected."

"He says eight," Beckett said into her phone. "Does that work?"

"_Fine by me,_" Lanie replied. "_Tell that fine man of yours hello._"

"Lanie says hello to that fine man of mine," Beckett said, and heard her friend laugh over the phone.

Castle grinned and then called loudly across the office "Hi Lanie, from this fine man of hers!"

Beckett joined in with Lanie's laughter.

"_Well on that note, I'm gonna go and talk to the boys,_" Lanie said. "_See you tonight, girl._"

"Thanks – bye!" Beckett replied, and then hung up, sliding her cellphone into her jeans pocket and quickly crossing the office. She went around behind the desk to where he sat, and saw that he'd just sent off an email.

"Done," he said, swivelling his chair around to face her. "We can head out to your place whenever you're ready."

"Before that, there's something I've always wanted to do," she said, stepping closer to him and then sitting down sideways on his lap.

He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could make a sound she snaked her arms around his neck and captured his lips with hers.


	21. Chapter 21

The day passed quickly.

They stopped briefly at Beckett's apartment for her to change, and Castle dropped off an overnight bag of his own. She had asked him to stay with her tonight, and he had quickly packed a few necessities before they left the loft.

They left her apartment and walked for a while, just taking the pulse of the city, and they eventually ended up at the same cafe where Beckett had lunch with Lanie at the weekend.

After they had eaten, they spent some time in a small park nearby, watching a group of schoolchildren throwing a football around. Castle told Beckett several stories about what Alexis had been like at that age, and she held his hand as she listened.

They were back at Beckett's place by 3PM, and spend most of the remainder of the afternoon lying together on the sofa, talking about nothing in particular. When Beckett reluctantly dragged herself up to start thinking about dinner, he surprised her by springing up beside her, taking her in his arms, and kissing her. The kiss became more urgent, and she took his hand and led him to her bedroom instead.

Almost an hour later, it was _definitely_ time to think about dinner, and they ordered pizza for the sake of simplicity, while Beckett started to get ready. They ate in a very comfortable silence in her kitchen, and she kept smiling at how the back of his hair was still sticking up.

"I'll fix it," he said at last, "Just let me finish eating."

She grinned at him. "You should leave it the way it is. I'm actually curious about what the guys will say first."

He returned her grin. "_Talking_ of the guys," he said, "what's the plan tonight?"

"I told Lanie not to tell them anything," she replied, watching his expression carefully.

"Yeah," he said, cautiously. They looked at each other for several moments and then he scratched his ear absent-mindedly. "So, uh, I assume we're keeping this… _us_, I mean… quiet for now. If that's what you want to do."

She suppressed a laugh. "Is that what _you_ want to do?" she asked evenly, and he frowned.

"_Kate_," he said.

"_Rick_," she replied, unable to stop herself grinning.

"I'm not making a big deal out of this," he said.

"Me neither."

"But it _is_ kind of a big deal. It's work, or people _from_ work. I'm happy to follow your lead. I can wait."

She smiled, and leaned in to kiss him. "I know," she said warmly. "But if I did want to tell people, you'd be OK with it, right?"

"You know I would," he said softly, his gaze dropping to their linked hands.

_But you'd never demand it, even though I owe you that much_, she thought, reaching up to put her palms against his cheeks.

"Listen to me," she said gently, and he looked into her eyes. "You're a wonderful man, Richard Castle, and I don't deserve you–"

He opened his mouth to interrupt, but she brushed a thumb over his lips and shook her head before continuing.

"–but I am _proud_ to be with you. I really hope you know that. And of _course_ I want everyone to know that I'm your girl now."

He smiled at her choice of words, his chest inflating with male pride.

_Men_, she thought, affectionately, leaning in for another kiss.

"So what do we tell them?" he asked, tucking a loose strand of her hair away and letting his finger trail down her ear and onto her neck, making her shiver.

"If you keep doing that, we're not making it to the Haunt," she said, with a husky note in her voice, and his eyes gleamed. "But I was thinking we could maybe mess with Ryan and Esposito a little…"

* * *

They arrived together at about 8:15PM, and the bartender welcomed them, telling them that the other four guests were already at their private booth in the back.

Castle let Beckett go on ahead, as he hung behind to exchange a few pleasantries with his staff and to get drinks for the two of them.

"Hey girl," Lanie called as Beckett approached the table, and she smiled at her four friends. Esposito saluted her with his beer, and Ryan and Jenny gave her identical warm smiles.

_Those two are ridiculously cute together_, she thought, and then she felt a flutter of excitement at how much things had changed for her since the last time she set foot in this place.

Lanie gave her a questioning look, and Esposito unknowingly voiced the same question. "So where's Castle? I thought he was coming along this time."

"He's at the bar, Esposito, making sure we're all well taken care of tonight," she replied, and the other man nodded.

"Good man. Not only does he help solve murders, he gets us free drinks anytime we want," Esposito said. "Pity he didn't show up at the Twelfth years ago, if you ask me."

Beckett and Lanie exchanged a look that Esposito didn't see, but Jenny raised an eyebrow.

"Well maybe you wouldn't feel that way if you were Kate," Lanie said, with a hint of teasing in her tone. "She has to put up with him following her around all day, cracking jokes–"

"Coming up with leads," Esposito interrupted.

"–driving her nuts with his phone all the time, and never doing any paperwork–" Lanie continued.

"Bring her coffee all the time," Ryan said. "And giving us a coffee machine for the break room!"

"–acting like a kid on a sugar rush–"

"Letting us borrow the Ferrari!" Esposito said triumphantly, and Lanie nodded in grudging agreement.

"I guess he has his good points," she said, looking towards her friend with mischief in her eyes. "What do you think, Kate?"

Lanie was surprised that the other woman didn't blush, drop her gaze or stutter. "I guess I've gotten used to having him around," she said.

"Mm-hmm," Lanie replied, taking a sip of her drink.

"And here's the man himself," Ryan said, as Castle walked up to the table carrying a beer and a glass of white wine.

"It is I," he said, setting the drinks down on the table and sitting beside Beckett. "How's everybody doing?"

They exchanged some brief stories about their respective weekends, and Castle confirmed that he had indeed caught up with his writing.

"So Castle," Esposito said, in a solicitous tone, "you were out at your beach house, right? Any ladies out there with you?"

Lanie's eyes darkened, but Beckett managed to give the barest shake of head before her friend said anything. Lanie grinned.

"Uh, nope, just me," Castle said, taking a large swig of his beer. "It was a working weekend. One guy and a laptop."

"All business and no pleasure, huh," Esposito said, sounding disappointed. "You must've been missing us like crazy."

Ryan laughed, and the two men bumped fists, causing Jenny to smile and roll her eyes.

"You know, I don't remember you mentioning these two clowns _any_ of the times we talked on the phone," Beckett said, wearing an expression of contemplation, and Castle nodded.

Ryan's smile became a frown. "We didn't have a case over the weekend," he said, looking at Beckett.

Esposito also looked confused and almost hurt. "Oh so you call Beckett on your off days but not us, is that it?"

"Yeah, Castle, that's cold," Ryan said, gesturing with his beer bottle.

Castle held up his hands in a placating gesture. "Guys, guys," he said, "I was working, that's all. Beckett called me to make sure I wasn't just playing videogames. Her dad had to work so she had some time, and she called me."

He glanced at Beckett, and she nodded in confirmation. "Just checking up on him," she said.

"Uh-huh," Esposito said, looking from one to the other suspiciously for a moment or two before shrugging.

Castle gave Beckett another look and then reached up and smoothed down the back of his hair without thinking about it. The gesture went unnoticed by the men, but Jenny's eyes widened and she looked at Lanie. The two women had a silent conversation in the space of a few moments, and Jenny's cheeks flushed. _Oh my god, they finally got together!_

Beckett saw the revelation on Jenny's face, and gave her a gentle smile with a message in her eyes. _Please don't say anything yet._

Jenny blinked slowly, returning the smile. _Of course_.

Ryan and Esposito had started enthusing about how Castle should have called them instead during the weekend, and Lanie was rolling her eyes at their behaviour.

"Javi, sometimes I wonder if I should be jealous of Ryan here," she said, and everyone else at the table burst out laughing. Ryan's face was pink, and Esposito wrinkled his nose in distaste.

Beckett slid her fingers through his under the table, and squeezed his hand. He smiled without looking at her, and took another sip of his drink.

* * *

They had been at the bar for almost two hours now, and the table would have been littered with empties if the bar staff weren't so careful to regularly remove them and bring replacements.

Everyone was considerably more relaxed, and at least a little drunk. Esposito's arm was draped lazily along the back of the large, circular booth behind Lanie's shoulders, and she was leaning back into it. Jenny had her arm linked through Ryan's, and was listening with unconcealed adoration in her eyes as he told amusing stories from past cases, mostly involving Esposito.

Castle and Beckett listened with smiles on their faces, sipping their drinks and occasionally exchanging warm looks. Jenny and Lanie periodically glanced at the two of them, but said nothing.

"Best partner ever!" Ryan said, clinking his beer bottle too forcefully against Esposito's as he finished telling his latest story.

"You got that right," the other man replied, grinning at his friend.

"You two have got a textbook bromance going on," Castle said, drawing snorts from the two men, and wry nods from the women.

"Well _I_ think that a close relationship between partners isn't a bad thing," Lanie said cheekily, and Esposito pointed at her.

"Thank you," he said. "Exactly. But you're talking to the wall with these two." He gestured vaguely at Castle and Beckett, made brave by the alcohol he'd had.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Beckett asked sweetly. "Other than that you really want desk duty for the next two weeks."

Lanie laughed and Esposito frowned, but it didn't stop him answering. "Some of us have got a lot of money riding on this thing."

Ryan smacked him on the arm, and Esposito just shrugged.

"What thing is that?" Castle asked, keeping his voice neutral but now wearing a small grin.

"This thing with you two," Esposito said, as Lanie looked carefully between them. "This… will-they won't-they thing."

Castle and Beckett exchanged a pointed look, then returned their attention to the rest of the table.

"Esposito, there isn't going to be any change in the relationship between Castle and I anytime soon," Beckett said, and Castle nodded. Lanie rolled her eyes.

"Don't tell me you're back with the deep-fried Twinkie," Esposito said with disdain, looking at Castle, and the other man grimaced.

"Hell no," he said. "And if I so much as look in Gina's direction, my girl would kick my ass."

"Or shoot you," Beckett said, and Castle again nodded in agreement. Both Lanie's and Jenny's eyes widened, but they didn't say anything.

"Or shoot me," Castle agreed.

Ryan frowned for a moment, but in his semi-drunk state, he just shook his head as the thought left his mind as quickly as it had entered.

"Oh so you _are_ with somebody," Esposito said, pointing at Castle triumphantly, and the other man simply nodded.

"You keeping secrets from us now, Castle?" Ryan asked, pointing with his beer bottle.

"Guys, we're allowed to have relationships without checking with you first," Beckett said, and Ryan's eyebrows shot up.

"_We_, huh?" Esposito said. "So you've hooked up too, boss? You two should have invited them here tonight so we could give our approval. Or not."

Beckett snorted with laughter. "I don't think I'd want to date most guys who would get your approval," she quipped, and Esposito grinned while Ryan laughed out loud.

"Yeah," Ryan said, warming to the idea. "Get them out here. The more the merrier. Assuming Castle's girl actually exists."

Esposito was the one to laugh this time, bumping fists with his partner yet again, and Castle and Beckett exchanged another look. Lanie took a long sip of her cocktail.

"You think I should call her?" Castle asked Beckett, and she seemed to consider the question for a moment before looking into his eyes and nodding.

"Yeah, why not?" she said, with a smile playing around her lips, and Castle tilted his head and took his phone from his jacket pocket.

"Hey, you too, boss," Esposito said. "You're not getting off the hook that easily. We want to meet this mystery guy too."

Beckett shrugged, and took her phone out of her purse, sitting it on the table beside her wine glass. "After you, Castle," she said, gesturing towards the man at her side.

Castle bowed his head graciously, and tapped the screen of his phone a few times, then held the device up to his ear.

Lanie clasped her hands together, unnoticed by either of the other two men.

Only a couple of seconds had passed before Beckett's phone lit up and started buzzing, shifting slightly across the table with each ring. Everyone could see that photo on the screen, and the text _CASTLE_ across the top. Ryan and Esposito both frowned.

With an innocent look on her face, Beckett picked up the phone and tapped the screen to answer the call, putting the device to her ear.

"Hey," she said.

Lanie squeaked, which only drew Esposito's confused attention for a moment.

"Hey," Castle replied. "I was wondering if you were doing anything tonight. I have some friends here at my bar that are dying to meet you."

She turned to look at him, a smile spreading across her face. "I guess I could stop by," she said.

Esposito's mouth dropped open. Ryan looked at his partner, then at Jenny, then back at Castle and Beckett, who now wore matching grins.

"Great," Castle said, looking into Beckett's eyes. "So… I'll see you in a bit?"

"Can't wait," she replied, then she leaned in and kissed him.


	22. Chapter 22

"You two are–?" Ryan spluttered, pointing from Castle to Beckett several times until Jenny grabbed his hand and pulled it into her lap.

"Uh-huh," Castle grinned, putting his arm around Beckett's shoulders. She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder briefly before reaching for her wine glass.

"But I mean… you mean… you're finally, actually–?" Ryan said, and this time Jenny reached up and turned his chin towards her.

"Of course they are, Kevin, now get over it," she said, stroking the side of his face.

"Wait, you _knew_?" Ryan said, and Jenny rolled her eyes.

"Only since they got here tonight," she replied, and Ryan's frown was so intense that his wife giggled.

"So how long has this been going on, exactly?" Esposito demanded, folding his arms and pouting like a five-year-old, making Beckett snort with laughter as Lanie elbowed him in the ribs.

"Well this is Monday, right?" Beckett said, turning to Castle, and he nodded. "So that makes it, what?"

Castle looked at his wristwatch with a thoughtful expression on his face, and after a moment's silence, he said "That means we finally admitted how we felt about each other, oh, about… two nights ago."

Esposito turned to Ryan, his eyes wide. The other man looked at him in confusion for a second, before his eyebrows shot up. "Oh! Right," he said, fumbling in his jacket for his wallet, and finally pulling out a sheet of paper that had been folded and unfolded many times.

He scanned the dense columns of handwriting carefully, and then his shoulders slumped. "Damn it," he muttered, drawing a reproachful look from Jenny.

"_So?_" Esposito demanded, and Ryan sighed deeply.

"Yeah, it's yours," he said.

"YEAH!" Esposito shouted, throwing his fists into the air and grinning from ear to ear.

Ryan sighed again, and Jenny patted his hand consolingly, her eyes shining with amusement.

"I love you two! I give this thing my _total_ approval!" Esposito declared, pointing towards both of them, and Castle and Beckett exchanged a look of mixed concern and amusement.

"Good to know, Esposito," Beckett said with a laugh. "Lanie, control your man."

The other woman grinned and then pulled Esposito's arm down, much as Jenny had done to Ryan a few minutes earlier. "Hush now, Javi, or you'll get us kicked out," she said. "How much did you win?"

Esposito reached over and snatched the paper out of Ryan's hand, and turned it towards Lanie. "_Seven hundred and twenty bucks_," he said triumphantly, and she raised her eyebrows.

"Sorry, Ryan, but I'm with him on this," she said, linking her arm through Esposito's.

"Don't we get a cut?" Castle asked teasingly. "After all, you were betting on _us_."

"No way, bro," Esposito said. "You're already rich. You own a bar! And a Ferrari. I'm going to get my lady here something real nice." He planted a kiss on Lanie's lips and grinned at her.

"Aw," Jenny said, and Ryan grudgingly smiled and nodded.

Lanie kissed Esposito again, then he took a large swig of his beer. "Hell of a night," he said.

"What Kevin _meant_ to say was congratulations, you two," Jenny said sweetly, raising her glass, and everyone around the table joined her in the salute. "I think you're perfect together, and so does he. It's about time!"

"Hear, hear," Lanie said, with a smile.

Castle and Beckett grinned at them all, and everyone clinked their glasses and bottles. He turned to look at her, and she leaned in again and kissed him. They broke apart with identical grins when Lanie cheered.

"Mom and dad making out in public, and all is right with the world," Esposito said, and Lanie gave him a reproachful look. Then his eyes lit up. "Hey! Does this mean that we can–"

"_No_," Castle and Beckett both said at the same time.

"But you don't even know what I was gonna–"

"Still no," Castle said, and Esposito gave an exaggerated sigh.

The conversation turned to other topics, and Castle tightened his arm around Beckett. She let her head rest on his shoulder, and they sat in a comfortable silence, listening to their friends talk, and occasionally adding a comment.

_This was really easy_, Beckett thought, a small smile playing around her lips. _What was I worried about?_

Castle turned his head to drop a kiss onto her forehead, and he whispered "It was easy because everyone at this table cares about you, Kate."

She looked up at him in wonder. "How do you do that?" she asked, laying her hand flat against his chest.

"I know you," he replied. "When you're meant to be with somebody, you just know. Y'know?"

She grinned, lifting her hand to caress his jaw. "I know," she whispered, and this time it was him who initiated the kiss.

"God, you two are so _cute_!" Lanie squealed, and they broke apart, a blush rising in Beckett's cheeks.

"Oh don't stop on my account, girl," Lanie said. "You've got a lot of catching up to do."

Ryan and Esposito laughed, and Jenny smiled widely at the two of them.

"This is kind of making me sick," Esposito said, but he still had a smile on his face. "People are trying to enjoy a drink here."

Castle smirked at the other man and raised his free arm, palm up, as if to say _What can I do?_

"Suck it up, Esposito," Beckett grinned, snaking her arm around Castle's waist. "I have permission from the owner."

* * *

_**Author's note: This seems like a good place to leave the story, for now at least. They really are a cute couple.**_

_**I've enjoyed writing this, and I hope you've enjoyed reading it too.**_


	23. Afterword

_**Author's note: (Sorry, it's not an extra chapter!)**_

_**Thanks so much for all the reviews. I'm glad you've enjoyed reading this story as much as I've enjoyed writing it.**_

_**I've just started a new Castle fic called Vacation, which you might also be interested in.**_


	24. Chapter 24

_**Author's note: Why hello there. Still got a notification for this story? I'm grateful!**_

_**You might also be interested in my new Castle fic, then, called Thaw.**_


End file.
